NBC is making a movie about Martha Stewart that will cover the recent stock scandal. They are thinking of calling it 'The… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Seriously, the Olympic badminton players were apparently trying to lose on purpose, a big story. But really, think about it, if you… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
I think in future people will take television in eyedrop form. All media will be in eyedrops. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Kim Kardashian tweeted that she is supporting President Obama in the midterm elections. I think it worked because all of the polls… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Today's tragedy in Paris reminds us very viscerally that it's a right that some people are inexplicably forced to die for. So… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Earlier today Martha Stewart issued a statement saying 'I am innocent and will fight to clear my name.' Yeah, Martha then said… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Iran is celebrating the nuclear deal. The Iranians are going crazy. They're drinking non-alcoholic champagne and thinking about dancing. That's how excited… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
I'm a paranoid person. And I think - I'm the kind of person that can come up with lots of negative scenarios.… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Real life is about reacting quickly to the opportunity at hand, not the opportunity you envisioned. Not thinking and scheming for the… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Patriots quarterback Tom Brady says he thinks it would be great if Donald Trump was president. Which is really weird because I… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
In the press this week, NBC has been calling me every name in the book. In fact, they think I'm such an… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
After Donald Trump's derogatory comments about immigrants, NBC has officially cancelled Celebrity Apprentice. Think about it: Donald Trump isn't even president yet,… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
During last night's debate, John Kerry and John Edwards were so friendly to each other some political experts think that they may… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Former President George W. Bush has hired a man to lead his presidential think tank in Dallas. The man was hired because… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Sony has canceled the big Seth Rogen movie, 'The Interview.' North Koreans hacked their email so Sony said, 'Now we can't show… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
President Obama has appointed a transgender woman to a position in the Department of Commerce. You know, in this era of partisan… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Over-thinking in your brain is anathema to the process of thinking on your feet. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
If you can really laugh at yourself loud and hard every time you fall, people will think you're drunk. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
President Obama made a big speech. He welcomed the members of the U.N. General Assembly to New York, and he said, 'I'd… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
People all over the world now are following our election. And according to a new international poll that just came out, I… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
A new study has found that watching Fox News can make you more conservative and watching MSNBC can make you more liberal.… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
A federal court has ruled that the U.S. Postal Service must reduce its stamp prices. The change in stamp prices is expected to affect… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
NBC is making a movie about Martha Stewart that will cover the recent stock scandal. They are thinking of calling it 'The Road To… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
People should say 'no comment' more often. No comment! I love no comment. Let's have more no comment. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
A new study reveals that one-third of babies in the U.S. have used a smartphone. Yeah, and one-third of babies in China have MADE… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Martha Stewart showed up at Manhattan FBI Headquarters to have her finger prints taken and pose for a mug shot. Then Martha explained how… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
The big story today, Barack Obama was accused of insulting Sarah Palin when he criticized Republican policies by saying, you can put lipstick on… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
LEGO has announced that they are shutting down their U.S. factory and moving it to Canada. LEGO employees say it's their fault because they… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
A new survey reveals that women would rather give up sex than give up the remote control for the TV. Men, on the other… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Yesterday the DEA raided several NFL teams suspected of giving prescription painkillers to their players. In its defense, the New York Jets' doctor said,… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
President Obama gave a speech about healthcare tonight, and yesterday he gave a pep talk to students. He told them that in order to… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
The first thing men notice about a woman is her eyes. Then, when her eyes aren't looking, they notice her breasts. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
“Disappointment leads to clarity, which leads to conviction and true originality.” — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
