A bank in Washington was robbed by two men in George W. Bush masks. Luckily, right afterwards two guys in President Obama… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
President Obama filled out his March Madness bracket. You can tell Obama's mind is elsewhere because his top two picks were Israel… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Nobody knows really what they're doing and there's two ways to go with that information. One is to be afraid and the… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
On Easter, the Pope asked for peace in the Middle East. There are two groups the Pope has to contend with -… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
John Kerry is busy trying to raise money right now for his campaign. It was reported today that Kerry's hoping to raise… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
The British government has urged its citizens to abstain from alcohol at least two days a week. Or to make it easier… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
They say there are only two kinds of people on St. Patrick's Day: the Irish, and the people that drive them home. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
The Senate has sent President Obama a spending bill that gives the government enough money to keep going for two weeks. Our… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Today in Washington, D.C., several government buildings were left without power. Of course, the White House will be without power for two… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Sarah Palin gave a speech in South Korea. Just what the Koreans needed: Two crazy dictators in fashionable lady's glasses. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
In his press conference last night, President Bush said he could not remember a single mistake he had made in the last… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
There is some good news for John McCain. According to the latest polls, which came out today, John McCain has started to… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Yesterday, after the Thanksgiving parade, Donald Trump appeared at Macy's to promote his new line of fragrances and business suits. Unfortunately, there… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Lindsey Graham is now the seventh Republican running for president. If you're keeping score, that's basically one Republican candidate for every two… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
President Obama made a big speech. He welcomed the members of the U.N. General Assembly to New York, and he said, 'I'd… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
In a new interview, Newt Gingrich says he cheated on two of his wives because he was too consumed with love for… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
The top two movies at the box office this weekend were 'High School Musical 3' and 'Saw V.' One movie features gruesome… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Today, former President Bill Clinton met with North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il and convinced him to release two American journalists that have… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Yesterday the IRS announced that obese Americans are entitled to certain tax breaks. Apparently, under the new rules, you're allowed to claim… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
A federal court has ruled that the U.S. Postal Service must reduce its stamp prices. The change in stamp prices is expected to affect… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
NBC is making a movie about Martha Stewart that will cover the recent stock scandal. They are thinking of calling it 'The Road To… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
People should say 'no comment' more often. No comment! I love no comment. Let's have more no comment. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
A new study reveals that one-third of babies in the U.S. have used a smartphone. Yeah, and one-third of babies in China have MADE… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Martha Stewart showed up at Manhattan FBI Headquarters to have her finger prints taken and pose for a mug shot. Then Martha explained how… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
The big story today, Barack Obama was accused of insulting Sarah Palin when he criticized Republican policies by saying, you can put lipstick on… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
LEGO has announced that they are shutting down their U.S. factory and moving it to Canada. LEGO employees say it's their fault because they… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
A new survey reveals that women would rather give up sex than give up the remote control for the TV. Men, on the other… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Yesterday the DEA raided several NFL teams suspected of giving prescription painkillers to their players. In its defense, the New York Jets' doctor said,… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
President Obama gave a speech about healthcare tonight, and yesterday he gave a pep talk to students. He told them that in order to… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
The first thing men notice about a woman is her eyes. Then, when her eyes aren't looking, they notice her breasts. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
“Disappointment leads to clarity, which leads to conviction and true originality.” — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
