The first thing men notice about a woman is her eyes. Then, when her eyes aren't looking, they notice her breasts. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
For the first time American astronauts on the International Space Station ate vegetables grown in space. In other words, even space is… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Russia's Vladimir Putin appeared in public for the first time after a mysterious 10-day absence. Putin said it took him that long… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
First Lady Michelle Obama appears on 'Sesame Street' to celebrate the show's 40th anniversary. It's going to be a big episode. Yes,… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
This week Disney opened its first ever theme park in China. More than ten thousand children showed up on opening day. And… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Today the Washington Post did an article; they compared the 2008 presidential election to the 1932 presidential election. They did a comparison,… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Big story at the Olympics regarding Michael Phelps. He stepped out with his girlfriend for the first time. She is a 25-year-old… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
In Sarah Palin's new book, she says when she first laid eyes on her future husband, she said out loud, 'Thank you,… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Hillary Clinton is not the first woman to run for president. That title belongs to Victoria Woodhull, who ran for president in… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
'Shrek 2' made over $120 million during its first week. In a related story, John Kerry asked Shrek to marry him. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
For the first time since 2007, the FDA Has approved a new device to treat obesity. The amazing breakthrough is called a vegetable. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
It was reported today that Michelle Obama wants her mother to move into the White House with them. Yes. This is expected… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
First Lady Michelle Obama has posted an exercise video of her beating up a punching bag. But don't worry, Vice President Biden… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
In the midterm elections, a 102-year-old woman voted for the first time in a U.S. election. Unfortunately, she voted for Woodrow Wilson. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
A public relations firm said that rock star David Lee Roth owes them over $110,000. The strange thing is that it's the… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
A comic book publisher says he's trying to increase voter turnout in the presidential election by publishing comic books about John McCain… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Saudi Arabia's first female athlete will be allowed to compete while wearing a head scarf. The Saudi woman said she was thrilled… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
The drug lord is on the run. His name is El Chapo. Donald Trump is in a Twitter feud with this Mexican… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Utah could elect its first black Republican woman to Congress. In other words, Utah finally got one black person and the first… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Earlier today, John McCain was in the news. John McCain gave his first press conference since the election. And he said, 'For… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
For the first time ever, a black Republican woman has been elected to Congress. President Obama told her, 'You are all set.… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Al Gore announced he is finishing up a new book about global warming and the environment. Yeah, the first chapter talks about… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
The Chinese government launched China's first 24-hour news channel. And since the channel will only report stories that are favorable to the… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Earlier this week - this is crazy - the country's first marijuana cafe opened up, which not only sells medical marijuana, but… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
President Obama held a ceremony at the White House to celebrate the first night of Hanukkah. In response, Republicans said, 'It's even… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
A federal court has ruled that the U.S. Postal Service must reduce its stamp prices. The change in stamp prices is expected to affect… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
NBC is making a movie about Martha Stewart that will cover the recent stock scandal. They are thinking of calling it 'The Road To… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
People should say 'no comment' more often. No comment! I love no comment. Let's have more no comment. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
A new study reveals that one-third of babies in the U.S. have used a smartphone. Yeah, and one-third of babies in China have MADE… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Martha Stewart showed up at Manhattan FBI Headquarters to have her finger prints taken and pose for a mug shot. Then Martha explained how… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
The big story today, Barack Obama was accused of insulting Sarah Palin when he criticized Republican policies by saying, you can put lipstick on… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
LEGO has announced that they are shutting down their U.S. factory and moving it to Canada. LEGO employees say it's their fault because they… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
A new survey reveals that women would rather give up sex than give up the remote control for the TV. Men, on the other… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Yesterday the DEA raided several NFL teams suspected of giving prescription painkillers to their players. In its defense, the New York Jets' doctor said,… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
President Obama gave a speech about healthcare tonight, and yesterday he gave a pep talk to students. He told them that in order to… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
The first thing men notice about a woman is her eyes. Then, when her eyes aren't looking, they notice her breasts. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
“Disappointment leads to clarity, which leads to conviction and true originality.” — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
