The turkey that President Obama will pardon this Thanksgiving is from California. The turkey said, "I don't need a pardon. I need… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Patriots quarterback Tom Brady says he thinks it would be great if Donald Trump was president. Which is really weird because I… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Promoting his new book, President Bush visited the headquarters of Facebook. Unfortunately, he spent the whole visit on Farmville, clearing brush. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Hillary Clinton is not the first woman to run for president. That title belongs to Victoria Woodhull, who ran for president in… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
A lawyer from Africa wants to marry Malia Obama in exchange for goats, sheep, and cows. In response, President Obama said, 'Don't… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
At the state dinner for Chinese President Hu Jintao, Hu opened a fortune cookie that said, 'You will lend us another trillion… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Today President Obama is in the Middle East. He met the new king of Saudi Arabia. Obama also met Saudi Arabia's first… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Donald Trump is not running for president. This is devastating news for Trump's supporters - all of whom are late night comedians. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
President Obama made a big speech. He welcomed the members of the U.N. General Assembly to New York, and he said, 'I'd… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
The U.S. army confirmed that it gave a lucrative fire fighting contract in Iraq to the firm once run by the Vice… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
President Obama said the small drone that flew over the White House fence yesterday could be bought at any RadioShack. After hearing… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
President Obama gave a speech about healthcare tonight, and yesterday he gave a pep talk to students. He told them that in… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
During last night's debate, John Kerry and John Edwards were so friendly to each other some political experts think that they may… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
The corporate scandals are getting bigger and bigger. In a speech on Wall Street, President Bush spoke out on corporate responsibility, and… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
In the news, Chinese president Hu Jintao says that now that Barack Obama has been elected, he is looking forward to taking… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
People all over the world now are following our election. And according to a new international poll that just came out, I… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
A bank in Washington was robbed by two men in George W. Bush masks. Luckily, right afterwards two guys in President Obama… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
A new poll shows that Tiger Woods' popularity has dropped from 85 percent to 33 percent. President Obama's popularity is also at… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Yesterday was the New York City Marathon. The marathon was won in record time by a Democrat candidate running away from President… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Newly released transcripts reveal that President Nixon was drunk during the Arab-Israeli crisis of 1973. After hearing this, President Bush said, 'Hey,… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
President Obama has pledged $3 billion to aid poor nations. All of that $3 billion is going to the United States. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
According to a new poll, nearly six out of 10 Republicans want Mitt Romney to run for president. So do 10 out of 10 Democrats. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Just days after Mitt Romney suggested he might run for president, there's been a backlash. The backlash is led by Jeb Bush,… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Republicans are already trying to paint Hillary Clinton as too old to be president. In fact, a new ad claims she’s so… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
President Obama filled in as the coach of his daughter Sasha's basketball team. Sasha evidently listened to her Dad, because all she… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Donald Trump refuses to give details about his policy plans. Trump apologized by saying, 'When I announced I was running for president,… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Governor Chris Christie says if he's president, he will crack down on the sale of marijuana. However, that was before he was… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Herman Cain compared his run for president to Moses leading his people out of Egypt. Cain said it took Moses 40 years… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
President Obama says he will not support a healthcare plan where the government gets to decide whether to, quote, 'pull the plug… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
The Senate has sent President Obama a spending bill that gives the government enough money to keep going for two weeks. Our… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
This morning President Obama met with Britain's Prince William in the Oval Office. It was a meeting between a symbolic ruler with… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
President Bush left for Canada today to attend a trade summit. Reportedly, the trade summit got off to an awkward start when… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
President Obama held a ceremony at the White House to celebrate the first night of Hanukkah. In response, Republicans said, 'It's even… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Earlier today, President Bush said Kerry will be a tough and hard-charging opponent. That explains why Bush's nickname for Kerry is math. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
A congressman sent a tweet that compared president Obama to Adolf Hitler. He has now apologized. It's not helping that he apologized… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Time magazine has selected their person of the year. Guess what, it's President-elect Barack Obama. Yeah, ironically, Ebony magazine announced their person… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
President Obama announced that he's going to reopen diplomatic relations with Cuba. He wants to act before Seth Rogen makes a movie… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
For the first time ever, a black Republican woman has been elected to Congress. President Obama told her, 'You are all set.… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Texas Senator Ted Cruz said if elected president he would abolish the Department of Education. But not to worry. He promised to… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
The Secret Service said there have been 40 fence-jumping incidents at the White House in the past five years. Half of them… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
A federal court has ruled that the U.S. Postal Service must reduce its stamp prices. The change in stamp prices is expected to affect… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
NBC is making a movie about Martha Stewart that will cover the recent stock scandal. They are thinking of calling it 'The Road To… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
People should say 'no comment' more often. No comment! I love no comment. Let's have more no comment. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
A new study reveals that one-third of babies in the U.S. have used a smartphone. Yeah, and one-third of babies in China have MADE… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Martha Stewart showed up at Manhattan FBI Headquarters to have her finger prints taken and pose for a mug shot. Then Martha explained how… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
The big story today, Barack Obama was accused of insulting Sarah Palin when he criticized Republican policies by saying, you can put lipstick on… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
LEGO has announced that they are shutting down their U.S. factory and moving it to Canada. LEGO employees say it's their fault because they… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
A new survey reveals that women would rather give up sex than give up the remote control for the TV. Men, on the other… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Yesterday the DEA raided several NFL teams suspected of giving prescription painkillers to their players. In its defense, the New York Jets' doctor said,… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
President Obama gave a speech about healthcare tonight, and yesterday he gave a pep talk to students. He told them that in order to… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
The first thing men notice about a woman is her eyes. Then, when her eyes aren't looking, they notice her breasts. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
“Disappointment leads to clarity, which leads to conviction and true originality.” — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
