A new study reveals that one-third of babies in the U.S. have used a smartphone. Yeah, and one-third of babies in China… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
The three auto companies in the United States, they're all scrambling to come up with a plan, some way to reinvent themselves.… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
The latest political rumor, North Korea ruler Kim Jong Il is close to naming his successor. Yeah, he said the only person… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
The AMA is urging the Federal Government not to classify marijuana as a dangerous drug and do more research. That's what they… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Barack Obama was speaking to a Jewish group, and he told them that his name Barack is the same as the Jewish… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Time magazine has selected their person of the year. Guess what, it's President-elect Barack Obama. Yeah, ironically, Ebony magazine announced their person… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Barack Obama, you know has a lot of supporters here in America, but he's very popular internationally. It's quite interesting. This is… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Bob Dole is going to be appearing in a Pepsi commercial with Britney Spears. Yeah, apparently Dole says that if this doesn't… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Earlier today Martha Stewart issued a statement saying 'I am innocent and will fight to clear my name.' Yeah, Martha then said… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
This Thursday, Barack Obama is gonna give his acceptance speech, and reportedly it's going to include performances by Bon Jovi and Bruce… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Big night of television tonight for Barack Obama. Earlier tonight, Barack Obama aired a half-hour infomercial to attract more voters. Yeah. Yeah,… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Last night's vice presidential debate between Joe Biden and Sarah Palin drew much higher ratings than the presidential debate. Did you know… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
John Kerry is busy trying to raise money right now for his campaign. It was reported today that Kerry's hoping to raise… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
One of the candidates running for governor is a 100-year-old woman. Yeah, the 100-year-old says she'd like to recall Governor Gray Davis,… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
It was reported today that Michelle Obama wants her mother to move into the White House with them. Yes. This is expected… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
The other day John McCain appeared on the show 'The View,' and one of the hosts accused McCain of being a liar.… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
A comic book publisher says he's trying to increase voter turnout in the presidential election by publishing comic books about John McCain… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
In the news, Chinese president Hu Jintao says that now that Barack Obama has been elected, he is looking forward to taking… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
On Election Day, Ralph Nader will appear on the presidential ballot in only 45 states. Yeah, Nader said, this is really disappointing,… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
It's been reported that some of Arnold Schwarzenegger's opponents have been circulating naked pictures of Arnold on the Internet. Yeah, in a… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
There is some good news for John McCain. According to the latest polls, which came out today, John McCain has started to… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Al Gore announced he is finishing up a new book about global warming and the environment. Yeah, the first chapter talks about… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Hillary Clinton is making income inequality a central theme in her campaign. Yeah, for example, today she pointed out that her husband… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Scientists are adding an extra second to the year 2015. Yeah. Here's the bad news. You just wasted it listening to this joke. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
In a new interview, Newt Gingrich says he cheated on two of his wives because he was too consumed with love for… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
A federal court has ruled that the U.S. Postal Service must reduce its stamp prices. The change in stamp prices is expected to affect… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
NBC is making a movie about Martha Stewart that will cover the recent stock scandal. They are thinking of calling it 'The Road To… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
People should say 'no comment' more often. No comment! I love no comment. Let's have more no comment. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
A new study reveals that one-third of babies in the U.S. have used a smartphone. Yeah, and one-third of babies in China have MADE… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Martha Stewart showed up at Manhattan FBI Headquarters to have her finger prints taken and pose for a mug shot. Then Martha explained how… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
The big story today, Barack Obama was accused of insulting Sarah Palin when he criticized Republican policies by saying, you can put lipstick on… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
LEGO has announced that they are shutting down their U.S. factory and moving it to Canada. LEGO employees say it's their fault because they… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
A new survey reveals that women would rather give up sex than give up the remote control for the TV. Men, on the other… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Yesterday the DEA raided several NFL teams suspected of giving prescription painkillers to their players. In its defense, the New York Jets' doctor said,… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
President Obama gave a speech about healthcare tonight, and yesterday he gave a pep talk to students. He told them that in order to… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
The first thing men notice about a woman is her eyes. Then, when her eyes aren't looking, they notice her breasts. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
“Disappointment leads to clarity, which leads to conviction and true originality.” — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
