The first thing men notice about a woman is her eyes. Then, when her eyes aren't looking, they notice her breasts. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
The Olympics have just started and the Greeks are already 14 medals in debt. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Though you should not fear failure, you should do your very best to avoid it. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Seriously, the Olympic badminton players were apparently trying to lose on purpose, a big story. But really, think about it, if you… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Saudi Arabia's first female athlete will be allowed to compete while wearing a head scarf. The Saudi woman said she was thrilled… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Tough Olympic news for the Romneys. Ann Romney's horse Rafalka did not advance to the Olympic finals. Apparently it was beat by… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
An Australian swimmer who failed to win a gold medal is blaming her loss on social media. In her defense, it is… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
The post office says they're raising the price of stamps by one cent because they need to upgrade their equipment. Apparently, they're… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Toyota has announced it will start integrating Microsoft technology into their vehicles. It's perfect for the person who wants a car that… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
The U.S. team has swept all the medals in the skeet shooting event. So despite our bad economy, it's nice to know… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Olympic officials have disqualified a champion race walker after determining that he was doping. They disqualified him. The man said getting caught… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Even though the Olympics take place during Ramadan, some Muslim athletes said they will not fast during games. Then, after sampling the… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Big story at the Olympics regarding Michael Phelps. He stepped out with his girlfriend for the first time. She is a 25-year-old… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
The Olympics are getting mixed reviews. People are angry at NBC for showing a promo that revealed the winner of a swimming… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
A new survey reveals that women would rather give up sex than give up the remote control for the TV. Men, on… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
The nightmare is you spend the rest of your life being funny at parties and then people say, 'Why didn't you do… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
It's now come out just before his record-breaking 100-meter dash, gold medalist Usain Bolt ate at McDonald's. Apparently he timed his meal… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Yesterday Michael Phelps set an all-time Olympic record for most medals. Phelps has so much gold on his chest he's been asked… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Some people are saying that the reason Michael Phelps isn't doing so well is because he let himself get too out of… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
The Romneys have a horse competing in the Olympics. Ann Romney's horse failed to win a medal in the dressage event today,… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
So far China has won the most gold medals, ladies and gentlemen. The Chinese athletes can't wait to get home and show… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Did you hear this big scandal? Eight female badminton players were expelled from the Olympics for trying to lose on purpose. So… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
This year's Olympics will be replacing the women's beach volleyball bikinis with uniforms that are less revealing. The stricter dress code was… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Earlier today, Arnold Schwarzenegger criticized the California school system, calling it disastrous. Arnold says California's schools are so bad that its graduates… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
According to a brand new report, alcohol abuse in Ireland is on the rise. Mainly because the guy who didn't drink now… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
An American judo fighter was expelled from the Olympics after testing positive for marijuana. Officials became suspicious when he kept stopping the… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Olympic organizers are reportedly struggling to fill rows and rows of empty seats. Empty seats! In fact, yesterday officials put out a… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
A federal court has ruled that the U.S. Postal Service must reduce its stamp prices. The change in stamp prices is expected to affect… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
NBC is making a movie about Martha Stewart that will cover the recent stock scandal. They are thinking of calling it 'The Road To… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
People should say 'no comment' more often. No comment! I love no comment. Let's have more no comment. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
A new study reveals that one-third of babies in the U.S. have used a smartphone. Yeah, and one-third of babies in China have MADE… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Martha Stewart showed up at Manhattan FBI Headquarters to have her finger prints taken and pose for a mug shot. Then Martha explained how… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
The big story today, Barack Obama was accused of insulting Sarah Palin when he criticized Republican policies by saying, you can put lipstick on… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
LEGO has announced that they are shutting down their U.S. factory and moving it to Canada. LEGO employees say it's their fault because they… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
A new survey reveals that women would rather give up sex than give up the remote control for the TV. Men, on the other… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Yesterday the DEA raided several NFL teams suspected of giving prescription painkillers to their players. In its defense, the New York Jets' doctor said,… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
President Obama gave a speech about healthcare tonight, and yesterday he gave a pep talk to students. He told them that in order to… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
The first thing men notice about a woman is her eyes. Then, when her eyes aren't looking, they notice her breasts. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
“Disappointment leads to clarity, which leads to conviction and true originality.” — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
