People should say 'no comment' more often. No comment! I love no comment. Let's have more no comment. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
President Obama said the small drone that flew over the White House fence yesterday could be bought at any RadioShack. After hearing… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Some people are saying that the reason Michael Phelps isn't doing so well is because he let himself get too out of… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
People are already talking about the next presidential election. There's stories all over about who might run. At a recent speech, a… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
All I ask is one thing, and I’m asking this particularly of young people: please don’t be cynical. I hate cynicism, for… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
In New York the other day, there was a pro-Martha Stewart rally. Only four people showed up ... and three of them… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
A U.N. study claims the happiest country in the world is Switzerland. When asked why they're so happy, Swiss people couldn't answer… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
I think in future people will take television in eyedrop form. All media will be in eyedrops. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
McDonald's released a new video showing how it makes their Chicken McNuggets. Apparently it turns out that McNuggets aren't made out of… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
The CEO of the Olive Garden blames his company's low profits on Obamacare - which is odd because most people won't eat… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Today's tragedy in Paris reminds us very viscerally that it's a right that some people are inexplicably forced to die for. So… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Every comedian dreams of hosting 'The Tonight Show' and, for seven months, I got to. I did it my way, with people… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Senator John Kerry is in trouble for making a joke about soldiers being uneducated. As a result, Kerry promised to stop making… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
The Olympics are getting mixed reviews. People are angry at NBC for showing a promo that revealed the winner of a swimming… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
I had an amazing experience in Cuba. People there are fantastic. But I do have to say it's very nice to be… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Earlier today Martha Stewart issued a statement saying 'I am innocent and will fight to clear my name.' Yeah, Martha then said… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Egypt has responded to hundreds of thousands of protesters by shutting down the Internet. Just a word of advice: If you want… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
On Easter, the Pope asked for peace in the Middle East. There are two groups the Pope has to contend with -… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
A new presidential poll reveals that Democrats have the edge among voters under 30. The good news for Republicans is that there's… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
The nightmare is you spend the rest of your life being funny at parties and then people say, 'Why didn't you do… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
They say there are only two kinds of people on St. Patrick's Day: the Irish, and the people that drive them home. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses, and he wears a… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Herman Cain said he wants people to know that there's more between his ears than pepperoni and pizza sauce. He says there's… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Donald Trump refuses to give details about his policy plans. Trump apologized by saying, 'When I announced I was running for president,… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Indiana's governor is coming under fire for a new law that some people feel is anti-gay. The governor now says he is… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
A federal court has ruled that the U.S. Postal Service must reduce its stamp prices. The change in stamp prices is expected to affect… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
NBC is making a movie about Martha Stewart that will cover the recent stock scandal. They are thinking of calling it 'The Road To… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
People should say 'no comment' more often. No comment! I love no comment. Let's have more no comment. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
A new study reveals that one-third of babies in the U.S. have used a smartphone. Yeah, and one-third of babies in China have MADE… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Martha Stewart showed up at Manhattan FBI Headquarters to have her finger prints taken and pose for a mug shot. Then Martha explained how… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
The big story today, Barack Obama was accused of insulting Sarah Palin when he criticized Republican policies by saying, you can put lipstick on… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
LEGO has announced that they are shutting down their U.S. factory and moving it to Canada. LEGO employees say it's their fault because they… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
A new survey reveals that women would rather give up sex than give up the remote control for the TV. Men, on the other… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Yesterday the DEA raided several NFL teams suspected of giving prescription painkillers to their players. In its defense, the New York Jets' doctor said,… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
President Obama gave a speech about healthcare tonight, and yesterday he gave a pep talk to students. He told them that in order to… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
The first thing men notice about a woman is her eyes. Then, when her eyes aren't looking, they notice her breasts. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
“Disappointment leads to clarity, which leads to conviction and true originality.” — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
