By the power invested in me by the state of New York and the Universal Life Church, I now pronounce you husband… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
The three auto companies in the United States, they're all scrambling to come up with a plan, some way to reinvent themselves.… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
According to a new survey, 40 percent of adults in Mexico say they would move to the United States if they got… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Kim Kardashian tweeted that she is supporting President Obama in the midterm elections. I think it worked because all of the polls… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Donald Trump announced today he is running for president of the United States. Traditionally that means six more weeks of comedy. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
The results of a new study are out this week saying that New Jersey is one of the most livable states in… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Yesterday, Arnold Schwarzenegger announced he would run for governor of California. The announcement was good news for Florida residents who now live… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Egypt is in the second day of angry street protests. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is calling for calm. Because nothing calms… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Yesterday, voters in the state of Maine voted no to gay marriage, but yes to medical marijuana. That's right, people in Maine… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Donald Trump called George W. Bush 'the worst president in the history of the United States.' Then he added, 'Until, of course,… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Pope Francis announced that next year he is coming to the United States, or as Fox News is reporting it, 'Obama lets… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
On Election Day, Ralph Nader will appear on the presidential ballot in only 45 states. Yeah, Nader said, this is really disappointing,… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
At the State of the Union address last night, President Obama made history by using the words transgender, lesbian, and bisexual in… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Rev. Pat Robertson says that if more states legalize gay marriage, God will destroy America. He did say that afterwards, gays will… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
In a new interview, Secretary of State Colin Powell repeated that the U.S. has no plans to attack Syria or Iran. After… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Chris Christie said he will top Donald Trump's Iowa State Fair helicopter entrance by riding in on a pony. As a result,… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
At the state dinner for Chinese President Hu Jintao, Hu opened a fortune cookie that said, 'You will lend us another trillion… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
President Obama made a big speech. He welcomed the members of the U.N. General Assembly to New York, and he said, 'I'd… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Today Secretary of State John Kerry visited the small African nation of Djibouti. Or to use the official diplomatic term, he made… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
President Obama has pledged $3 billion to aid poor nations. All of that $3 billion is going to the United States. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Hillary Clinton has reportedly accepted Barack Obama's offer to become secretary of state. That's what they're saying in the New York Times.… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
A federal court has ruled that the U.S. Postal Service must reduce its stamp prices. The change in stamp prices is expected to affect… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
NBC is making a movie about Martha Stewart that will cover the recent stock scandal. They are thinking of calling it 'The Road To… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
People should say 'no comment' more often. No comment! I love no comment. Let's have more no comment. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
A new study reveals that one-third of babies in the U.S. have used a smartphone. Yeah, and one-third of babies in China have MADE… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Martha Stewart showed up at Manhattan FBI Headquarters to have her finger prints taken and pose for a mug shot. Then Martha explained how… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
The big story today, Barack Obama was accused of insulting Sarah Palin when he criticized Republican policies by saying, you can put lipstick on… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
LEGO has announced that they are shutting down their U.S. factory and moving it to Canada. LEGO employees say it's their fault because they… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
A new survey reveals that women would rather give up sex than give up the remote control for the TV. Men, on the other… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Yesterday the DEA raided several NFL teams suspected of giving prescription painkillers to their players. In its defense, the New York Jets' doctor said,… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
President Obama gave a speech about healthcare tonight, and yesterday he gave a pep talk to students. He told them that in order to… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
The first thing men notice about a woman is her eyes. Then, when her eyes aren't looking, they notice her breasts. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
“Disappointment leads to clarity, which leads to conviction and true originality.” — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
