California officials want to contain a measles outbreak that originated in Disneyland last month. They are in luck because everyone who is… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
The Olive Garden is bringing back its 'Pasta Pass,' which lets you eat as much pasta as you want for seven weeks.… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
People are questioning if Ted Cruz can legally run for president because he was born in Canada. And the last thing we… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Macy's has severed ties with Donald Trump and no longer will carry his men's wear collection. From now on, men who want… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
It was reported today that Michelle Obama wants her mother to move into the White House with them. Yes. This is expected… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
In the press this week, NBC has been calling me every name in the book. In fact, they think I'm such an… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Donald Trump insisted he's always had a great relationship with women. He said, 'I believe a woman can be anything she wants… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Herman Cain said he wants people to know that there's more between his ears than pepperoni and pizza sauce. He says there's… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
People all over the world now are following our election. And according to a new international poll that just came out, I… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
The three auto companies in the United States, they're all scrambling to come up with a plan, some way to reinvent themselves.… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
The mayor of Newark, N.J. wants to set up a citywide program to improve residents' health. The health care program would consist… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Yesterday in Egypt, archaeologists discovered the burial site for the 50 children of Ramses II...Fifty children! What I want to know is,… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses, and he wears a… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Toyota has announced it will start integrating Microsoft technology into their vehicles. It's perfect for the person who wants a car that… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Facebook revamped its search feature. Now you can search for any post that has ever appeared on your page. It's helpful if… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Michele Bachmann said she wants her three daughters to learn to shoot a gun. Mostly so they can put her campaign out… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
A new Republican Congress is taking over. Sen. Ted Cruz has been appointed tooverseeing NASA in Congress. He says he wants NASA… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Egypt has responded to hundreds of thousands of protesters by shutting down the Internet. Just a word of advice: If you want… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
President Obama has decided that he wants his presidential library to be in Chicago, not Hawaii. Today Hawaii's governor said, 'Great, who's… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Donald Trump said prior to the debate that he wants to be very civil. He said that instead of referring to all… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
President Obama announced that he's going to reopen diplomatic relations with Cuba. He wants to act before Seth Rogen makes a movie… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
President Obama said the small drone that flew over the White House fence yesterday could be bought at any RadioShack. After hearing… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
According to a new poll, nearly six out of 10 Republicans want Mitt Romney to run for president. So do 10 out of 10 Democrats. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Some scientists want to replace the handshake with the fist bump. Others want to replace the fist bump with the 'tush push.' — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
A lawyer from Africa wants to marry Malia Obama in exchange for goats, sheep, and cows. In response, President Obama said, 'Don't… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
I just want to say to the kids out there watching: You can do anything you want in life. Unless Jay Leno… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
I've always heard that women secretly want their father. So I used to walk around in a 1950s business suit, with a… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Donald Trump has come out in favor of shutting down Planned Parenthood. However, experts say, if he really wants Planned Parenthood to… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Tom Brady says he wants to give the truck he was given as the Super Bowl MVP to the guy who won… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Election officials say that in 2016, it may be possible to vote for the president on your smartphone. Can you imagine that?… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Utah could elect its first black Republican woman to Congress. In other words, Utah finally got one black person and the first… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
There's a new children's book that's coming out that features Sarah Palin as a hero. I don't want to give away the… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
A federal court has ruled that the U.S. Postal Service must reduce its stamp prices. The change in stamp prices is expected to affect… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
NBC is making a movie about Martha Stewart that will cover the recent stock scandal. They are thinking of calling it 'The Road To… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
People should say 'no comment' more often. No comment! I love no comment. Let's have more no comment. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
A new study reveals that one-third of babies in the U.S. have used a smartphone. Yeah, and one-third of babies in China have MADE… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Martha Stewart showed up at Manhattan FBI Headquarters to have her finger prints taken and pose for a mug shot. Then Martha explained how… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
The big story today, Barack Obama was accused of insulting Sarah Palin when he criticized Republican policies by saying, you can put lipstick on… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
LEGO has announced that they are shutting down their U.S. factory and moving it to Canada. LEGO employees say it's their fault because they… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
A new survey reveals that women would rather give up sex than give up the remote control for the TV. Men, on the other… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Yesterday the DEA raided several NFL teams suspected of giving prescription painkillers to their players. In its defense, the New York Jets' doctor said,… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
President Obama gave a speech about healthcare tonight, and yesterday he gave a pep talk to students. He told them that in order to… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
The first thing men notice about a woman is her eyes. Then, when her eyes aren't looking, they notice her breasts. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
“Disappointment leads to clarity, which leads to conviction and true originality.” — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
