Firsts Quotes by Jay Leno

I'm glad the government has shut down. Think about it, for the first time in years it's safe to talk on the…

— Jay Leno

Barack Obama's mother-in-law might be moving into the White House with him. Joe Biden was right. Hostile forces will test him in…

— Jay Leno

They had so much rain in New York that a lot of the cabbies had their first shower in years.

— Jay Leno

President Bush has unveiled his first campaign commercial, highlighting all of his accomplishes in office. That's why it's a 60-second spot.

— Jay Leno

In his first speech as Speaker, Boehner thanked his loved ones - tobacco lobbyists, the oil companies, the CEOs.

— Jay Leno

Two Americans have been awarded the Nobel Prize for Economics. They are the first to figure out all the charges on their…

— Jay Leno

First there's the promise ring, then the engagement ring, then the wedding ring... soon after... comes Suffer...ring!

— Jay Leno

And some sad news... the first lesbian couple to legally get married in the state of Massachusetts has split up. They cited…

— Jay Leno

Today, President Barack Obama promised to 'detect and pursue' American tax evaders, as opposed to his first 100 days, in which he…

— Jay Leno

The Obama administration has admitted that under Obamacare, you might not be able to keep your doctor. At first the president guaranteed…

— Jay Leno

John Kerry's wife Teresa Heinz is on the cover of Newsweek magazine this week and they said that if he is elected…

— Jay Leno

A woman in Great Britain has died after being hit in the back of the head by a golf ball, on the…

— Jay Leno

US officials have now approved the first anti-obesity drug for dogs. I'm no a veterinarian, but if your dog is over eating,…

— Jay Leno

People want to say there isn't racial profiling at the airport, but let's be honest. If you first name is Mohammed, and…

— Jay Leno

Barack Obama spent his first day as president-elect putting together his transition team. And if you believe MSNBC, by tomorrow he will…

— Jay Leno

There is now a $5 million dollar bounty on Osama bin Laden. Which marks the first time in history there has ever…

— Jay Leno

Former Vice President Al Gore starring in a new documentary about global warming. I believe it's called [Leno snores]. ... The film…

— Jay Leno

Well, it looks like John Boehner will be the new Speaker of the House. He is the son of a bartender, one…

— Jay Leno

So, Wesley Clark is running for president. Pretty amazing guy. Four star general, first in his class at West Point, supreme commander…

— Jay Leno

According to the L.A. Times, Attorney General John Ashcroft wants to take "a harder stance" on the death penalty. What's a harder…

— Jay Leno

The federal government said today they've begun training sessions for airport security workers to provide what they call more customer satisfaction to…

— Jay Leno

The Flinstones wore furs, they ate red meat, and had a stoneage philosophy. In fact, they were the first Republicans.

— Jay Leno

San Francisco hosted the first medical marijuana job fair. The keynote speech was titled, 'Jobs and How to Avoid Getting One.'

— Jay Leno

They determined who got the first question by a coin toss, to which Sarah Palin said, 'Oh, what a coincidence, that's how…

— Jay Leno

The first lady said about her husband, 'I could take up a whole afternoon talking about his failures.' And today she was…

— Jay Leno

The Republican debate got pretty heated. They spent most of their time arguing over who God called first.

— Jay Leno

The first Olympic Games were held in 776 BC. Do you know who lit the flame? Betty White.

— Jay Leno

At the airport if you refuse to be patted down, they arrest you. And what's the first thing they do when they…

— Jay Leno

For the first time in history, sex is more dangerous than the cigarette afterward.

— Jay Leno

Congratulation s to Rahm Emanuel on being elected mayor of Chicago. His first order of business after taking office will be to…

— Jay Leno

Hey, Barack Obama had to give up his Blackberry. He's the first wired president. ... He might have to give his Blackberry…

— Jay Leno

Hillary Clinton's opponent in the U.S. Senate race, the Republican she's going to be running against, has been married three times, had…

— Jay Leno

Texas Governor Rick Perry now says his wife has been encouraging him to run for President. Remember first he told us God…

— Jay Leno

According to a new book coming out by a Pulitzer Prize-winning author, apparently when he was in high school, President Obama smoked…

— Jay Leno

Disneyland celebrated its 40th anniversary by burying a time capsule. They say it will be dug up in 50 years - or…

— Jay Leno

A survey says that American workers work the first three hours every day just to pay their taxes. So that's why we…

— Jay Leno

They say John Kerry is the first Democratic presidential candidate in history to raise $50 million in a three-month period. Actually, that's…

— Jay Leno

The first case of mad cow disease since 2006 was discovered right here in the United States. The good news, since the…

— Jay Leno

Here at work, obviously, I make the most money of anyone on the show, so I try to be the first one…

— Jay Leno

Mitt Romney is predicting that as president, he will create 12 million jobs in his first term. Well, President Obama says a…

— Jay Leno