Want Quotes by Jay Leno

Starbuck's is going to start selling instant coffee. This is for people who want the quality of Sanka, but want to pay…

— Jay Leno

I was going to start off tonight with an Obama joke, but I don't want to get audited by the IRS.

— Jay Leno

The Washington Bullets are changing their name. They don't want their team to be associated with crime. From now on, they'll just…

— Jay Leno

According to a new study, 63% of men surveyed said they like to settle an argument by having sex. The other 37%…

— Jay Leno

Nissan is designing a car that will read the driver's mind. I already know what I'm going to do. I want a…

— Jay Leno

People want to say there isn't racial profiling at the airport, but let's be honest. If you first name is Mohammed, and…

— Jay Leno

I love all these politicians, they all say the same thing - 'We'll give California back to the people.' Yeah, great, now…

— Jay Leno

John Kerry said today he wants to debate President Bush once a month. Hey good luck, if Bush couldn't make it to…

— Jay Leno

Arnold Schwarzenegger has still not officially bowed out of this race. It looks like he's not gonna run. But I'll tell ya,…

— Jay Leno

In Afghanistan, U.S. troops are now holding an American man who has been fighting alongside the Taliban. His mother says he was…

— Jay Leno

California Governor Gray Davis visited an elementary school here in Los Angeles where he taught a class. I don't want to say…

— Jay Leno

I flew this past weekend. I went through airport security and said to the guy, 'Is everything okay?' He said, 'You might…

— Jay Leno

In an interview with Univision, President Obama said if there's one thing he's learned, it's that you can't change Washington from within.…

— Jay Leno

John Kerry says that he wants to debate President Bush once a month until the election. This could be a risky move…

— Jay Leno

Like in [the 1950s] if you wanted to ruin someone´s career in Hollywood you claimed he was a Communist. Nowadays, you want…

— Jay Leno

Well, the big story -- Hillary Clinton will be running for president in 2008. You know why I think she's running? I…

— Jay Leno

Climate experts say we should tell villagers in developing countries to reduce the amount of cooking smoke they generate to help fix…

— Jay Leno

President Obama's been reaching out to Iran, reaching out to Cuba, reaching out to Latin America. The only place he can't seem…

— Jay Leno

The federal government said today they've begun training sessions for airport security workers to provide what they call more customer satisfaction to…

— Jay Leno

Hillary Clinton said that her childhood dream was to be an Olympic athlete. But she was not athletic enough. She said she…

— Jay Leno

President Obama wants to raise taxes on the country's richest people. And you thought Donald Trump hated him before.

— Jay Leno

It turns out Enron workers were not only shredding documents at work, they were having sex at work. Having sex and shredding…

— Jay Leno

BP CEO Tony Hayward said he would just like to get his life back. He wants to get his life back. You…

— Jay Leno

What's going on with the Oakland Raiders? You know, I don't want to say the Raiders are bad, but you know, now,…

— Jay Leno

Valentines day are coming up and a German company has made chokolate in shapes of couples making love. I don't like them...…

— Jay Leno

The Houston Astros want to change the name of Enron Field where they play. I guess the Enron name could cause problems…

— Jay Leno

President Bush spoke with the Amish. He didn't want to, but it was the only group he could find that wasn't upset…

— Jay Leno

If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: Pour a little Lavoris in the toilet.

— Jay Leno

The new specialty at the Iowa fair this year is fried butter on a stick. Of course, if you're like me and…

— Jay Leno

I don't want to say Gray Davis is on the run, but today he released an audiotape on the Al Jazeera network…

— Jay Leno

Some members of Congress now are complaining they are underpaid. They want to propose a pay raise. You can't blame them. A…

— Jay Leno

John Kerry said today that he wants to get rid of tax cuts for the rich and his wife said, 'Hey, shut…

— Jay Leno

President Obama wants Congress to increase the minimum wage. Believe me, when it comes to doing the minimum for their wage, Congress…

— Jay Leno

I don't know why people are surprised the French don't want to help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France…

— Jay Leno

Rick Perry unveiled his new tax plan. He says he wants a flat tax. He believes that tax should be flat, just…

— Jay Leno

A survey asked married women when they most want to have sex. 84 per cent of them said right after their husband…

— Jay Leno

If President Obama really wants to hurt the Syrian government, don't send cruise missiles. He should send over some of his economic…

— Jay Leno

As we head to war with Iraq, President Bush wants to make one thing clear: This war is not about oil. It's…

— Jay Leno

British scientists say they have developed a super broccoli that can help fight heart disease. You know, if you want to fight…

— Jay Leno

Genetic scientists say that one day it will be possible to grow new body parts, like new breasts and new hands. It's…

— Jay Leno