I don't know why it's so hard to believe women. You to go Saudi Arabia and you need two women to testify… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Bush fell off his bicycle this weekend and you know what was really sad? It's a stationary bike. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
If I could ask Ken Lay one question right now, do you know what it would be? "Does the Devil really wear… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
You know what's sad about this? Not the gambling, but the best way to reach college athletes is the Cartoon Network. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Did you know that 10% of all Americans have not had sex in 5 years? I didn't know there were so many Republicans. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Donald Trump says that he will not run for president. You know why? He can't find his birth certificate. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Some sad news, President Bush's lapdog passed away. Gee, I didn't even know Tony Blair was sick? — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Yesterday, President-elect Barack Obama announced his new economic team. You know what he should do? Hire those people who were in charge… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
As they do every year, al-Qaida has threatened to disrupt and ruin Christmas. You know, we already have a group that disrupts… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
According to a new book coming out by a Pulitzer Prize-winning author, apparently when he was in high school, President Obama smoked… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
McDonald's announced that it's considering a more humane way of slaughtering its animals. You know they fatten them up and then kill… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
British scientists say they have developed a super broccoli that can help fight heart disease. You know, if you want to fight… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Bush admitted that the United States went to war in Iraq based on bad intelligence. But he says knowing what we… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Taliban has asked Osama bin Laden to voluntarily leave the country.They said they delivered him a note asking him to leave,… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Nissan is designing a car that will read the driver's mind. I already know what I'm going to do. I want a… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I'm sure you know by now, Jesse Jackson was overheard saying, and I'll put this more delicately, that he wanted to cut… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Sacramento Bee is reporting that Arnold Schwarzenegger is not going to run for governor. You know what would be better? Arnold… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
John Kerry has promised to take this country back from the wealthy. Who better than the guy worth $700 million to take… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
As you know, there were lots of huge marches around the country yesterday to protest the immigration laws. The marches had quite… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Arnold Schwarzenegger announced that he is going to run for governor on our program last night. My staff didn't know, Arnold's staff… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
U.S. Government has said they are now going to go after the terrorist's electronic banking system. You know what they should do?… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The longest-serving Republican Senator, Alaska's Ted Stevens, found guilty just a few hours ago on all charges in his corruption trial. Do… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Climate experts say we should tell villagers in developing countries to reduce the amount of cooking smoke they generate to help fix… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Canadian Prime Minister said Canada would lend the U.S. its full military support. You know what that means: Both tanks. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
50% of Americas population spends less than 10 dollars a month on romance. You know what we call these people? Men! — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
John Kerry accused President Bush of catering to the rich. You know, as opposed to John Kerry who just marries them. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Actually, you know who gave the shortest inauguration speech in history? George Washington. It was only like three minutes long. Well, sure.… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Well, the big story -- Hillary Clinton will be running for president in 2008. You know why I think she's running? I… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Sarah Palin has revealed she has tried marijuana, but she did not like it. You know, it's amazing: 200 million Americans have… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Riding a Ducati is like having sex with an aerobics instructor - you know, I'm exhausted and panting and it's going: 'Are… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
You know, it shows how old I am. I can remember the good old days when the president picked the Supreme Court… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Texas governor Rick Perry said God is calling on him to run for President. But Michele Bachmann said that god is calling… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
We've got the government shutdown, but the beginning of Obamacare. You know what that means? You can now complain to your doctor… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
You know what the bounty is on bin Laden? $25 million. It sounds like a lot until you realize the Texas Rangers… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
When we finally have this recall election in October, there could be as many as 200 people on the ballot. And you… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Whitney Houston rear-ended a city bus with her sports car, but no one was hurt. She said she didn't know what happened.… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
One of President Obama's winning points last night was about how sanctions against Iran are crippling their economy. And believe me, if… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
One of the interpreters hired by CBS for the Dan Rather/Saddam Hussein interview adopted a phony Arabic accent. You know, maybe CBS… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
If you restore a car, and you're making money, then you're doing it wrong. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
There is a nationwide shortage of drugs for Attention Deficit Disorder. The FDA says they're not sure how it happened. I guess somebody wasn't… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
“Leno said the rainy weather in California "couldn't have come at a worse possible time. Today was the day NBC was supposed to burn… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Donald Trump said he will not decide about a possible run for the presidency until after the current season of Celebrity Apprentice wraps up.… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
American forces in Iraq found $650 million in American cash sealed in a hidden cottage. See, this is why President Bush wants to invade… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I wanted to have a career in sports when I was young, but I had to give up the idea. I'm only six feet… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Texas Gov. Rick Perry referred to the Mexican city of Juarez as the most dangerous city in America. In his defense, he probably just… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Mayans have predicted the world is supposed to end on December 21. If the world doesn't end on December 21, you can bet… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Globe reports that North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il raises money by selling fake Viagra pills. What it is about this guy? None of… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
