President Obama wants Congress to increase the minimum wage. Believe me, when it comes to doing the minimum for their wage, Congress… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
We've got the government shutdown, but the beginning of Obamacare. You know what that means? You can now complain to your doctor… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Martha Stewart was found guilty on all charges. You know what that means, stripes are in this year. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
There's all this talk about Arnold Schwarzenegger. Well, you know where he is now? Visiting Mexico, which I think means that he… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
You know what the reward is to capture Saddam. You don't even need to capture Saddam, just say where he is. It's… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
In business news, chocolate maker nestle is buying Jenny Craig. Well, that says it all you need to know about the war… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Well, there's a bright side to this for Ken Lay. You know, throughout the years Ken Lay has been a big campaign… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
More and more facts coming out about Osama bin Laden. You know, he never sleeps in the same place two nights in… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The other night, President Bush's press conference was pre-empted by 'American Idol.' You know the difference between President Bush and 'American Idol?'… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Obama released his tax returns. It turns out he made $900,000 less in 2011 then he did in 2010. You know… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
BP CEO Tony Hayward said he would just like to get his life back. He wants to get his life back. You… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
What's going on with the Oakland Raiders? You know, I don't want to say the Raiders are bad, but you know, now,… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
As you know, several times, McCain talked about serving his country in Vietnam, which is a nice change after 16 years and… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Barack Obama said yesterday that the economy was 'going to get worse before it gets better.' See, that's when you know the… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
According to Time magazine, global warming is 33% worse than we thought. You know what that means? Al Gore is one-third more… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
There are reports on the news tonight that members of the Taliban feel persecuted and fear their own safety. So now they… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Do you know who will be in charge of health care? The IRS. You thought getting audited was bad? Wait until your… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
You know, something like 90 people who have now filed to run for governor in this recall election. They say there could… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
This is my favorite story of the week. The Republican National Committee is in trouble after spending nearly $2,000 at a bondage… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
If Arnold is elected, you know who I'd feel sorry for? The people on death row. Imagine, you're about to be executed,… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
You know what they say when a supermodel gets pregnant? Now she's eating for one. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Know what the Taliban leaders like to do for fun? Just sit around and get bombed. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
A top geneticist at Stanford says human intelligence is declining. You know what that means? We are seeing Congress at its smartest… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
If you restore a car, and you're making money, then you're doing it wrong. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
There is a nationwide shortage of drugs for Attention Deficit Disorder. The FDA says they're not sure how it happened. I guess somebody wasn't… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
“Leno said the rainy weather in California "couldn't have come at a worse possible time. Today was the day NBC was supposed to burn… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Donald Trump said he will not decide about a possible run for the presidency until after the current season of Celebrity Apprentice wraps up.… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
American forces in Iraq found $650 million in American cash sealed in a hidden cottage. See, this is why President Bush wants to invade… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I wanted to have a career in sports when I was young, but I had to give up the idea. I'm only six feet… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Texas Gov. Rick Perry referred to the Mexican city of Juarez as the most dangerous city in America. In his defense, he probably just… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Mayans have predicted the world is supposed to end on December 21. If the world doesn't end on December 21, you can bet… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Globe reports that North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il raises money by selling fake Viagra pills. What it is about this guy? None of… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
