Bill Maher and I are on against each other, and we're friends. He can do my show any time he wants, and… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
In People magazine, Madonna said her life has been exhausting since she started her world tour. She said there isn't a second… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Well, the big story -- Hillary Clinton will be running for president in 2008. You know why I think she's running? I… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
“They were going crazy in Kansas. People were up to 9 p.m. I think that was the greatest thing to happen to… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Saddam Hussein has invited members from the U.S. Congress to visit Iraq. Man how stupid is Hussein? If you think Bush had… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Scientists think they can now clone an all-white zebra. Now, I'm no expert, but isn't that a horse? — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
A new poll says that if the election were held today, both John Kerry and John Edwards would beat President Bush by… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Bush administration has apparently approved a plan to oust Saddam Hussein. I think that's President Bush's Father's Day gift to his… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Rick Santorum is so conservative; he thinks KY Jelly is jam made in Kentucky. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The FBI announced today that they are now looking for Osama bin Laden's financial adviser. You think this guy is in demand.… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Political analysts say that President Bush's re-election strategy is to try and convince Americans that he's a war president. I don't get… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Bush is now focusing on jobs. I think the one job he's focusing most on is his own. The White House… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Obama signed a bill preventing members of Congress from profiting from insider trading. Didn't you think that was already illegal? — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Bush is smart. I don't think that Bush will ever be impeached, 'cause unlike Clinton, Reagan, or even his father, George W.… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
According to the latest L.A. Times poll, 75% of Californians believe the country is headed in the wrong direction. And 60% of… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
It's fun when you're driving, and people wave at you, and you wave back. I think you either like people or you… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Mars rover Curiosity has sent back images of some odd things on the surface of Mars, and some people think they… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Sarah Palin has admitted she tried marijuana several years ago, but she did not like it. She said it distorted her perceptions,… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
A new poll shows only 3 percent strongly approve of the job Congress is doing, with a margin of error of 4… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
If you're a car salesman, and someone says "This is a terrible car, I'm not buying it," it doesn't mean they hate… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
We had President Obama on the show last night. I think the president enjoys visiting NBC because we're the only place that… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Bob Dole revealed he is one of the test subjects for Viagra. He said on Larry King, 'I wish I had bought… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I'm glad the government has shut down. Think about it, for the first time in years it's safe to talk on the… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
As you may have heard, the U.S. is putting together a constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? Think… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
If you restore a car, and you're making money, then you're doing it wrong. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
There is a nationwide shortage of drugs for Attention Deficit Disorder. The FDA says they're not sure how it happened. I guess somebody wasn't… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
“Leno said the rainy weather in California "couldn't have come at a worse possible time. Today was the day NBC was supposed to burn… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Donald Trump said he will not decide about a possible run for the presidency until after the current season of Celebrity Apprentice wraps up.… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
American forces in Iraq found $650 million in American cash sealed in a hidden cottage. See, this is why President Bush wants to invade… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I wanted to have a career in sports when I was young, but I had to give up the idea. I'm only six feet… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Texas Gov. Rick Perry referred to the Mexican city of Juarez as the most dangerous city in America. In his defense, he probably just… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Mayans have predicted the world is supposed to end on December 21. If the world doesn't end on December 21, you can bet… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Globe reports that North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il raises money by selling fake Viagra pills. What it is about this guy? None of… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
