Rick Perry told reporters this week that he has a permit to carry a concealed handgun. He also has a concealed vocabulary,… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Actually, Joe Biden looked pretty good. In fact, Joe's popularity has gone from 1% to 2% last week to 3% today. At… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Gray Davis got some good news this week: the Clintons are out here in California campaigning for him. Actually, Hillary is campaigning… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
55% of all Americans lose their remote control 5 times a week. That means that they must see the same show for… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The University of Nebraska says that elderly people that drink beer or wine at least four times a week have the highest… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
John Kerry met with Ralph Nader last week. Both sides of every issue were discussed. And then, Nader spoke. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
A new medical study reports that men who eat ten pizzas a week are less likely to develop prostate problems at age… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Last week convicted Enron crook Ken Lay died of a heart attack. They announced they were going to cremate him. Where he's… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
More and more details coming out now about spoiled rich kid Osama bin Laden. Time reports this week he was one of… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Is it me or is Bush going everywhere Kerry goes? So far in the past week, President Bush has followed John Kerry… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry came down pretty hard on fellow candidate Howard Dean this weekend. After Dean misspoke several times, Kerry… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
This is my favorite story of the week. The Republican National Committee is in trouble after spending nearly $2,000 at a bondage… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
As you know, John McCain is an older, white-haired man who has been in the Senate for over twenty years, voted for… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
In an unlikely pairing, Hillary Clinton made an appearance this week with Newt Gingrich to push a health care plan. The press… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
You see the pictures in the paper today of John Kerry windsurfing? He's at his home in Nantucket this week, doing his… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
This week the White House proposed fingerprinting and photographing foreign visitors so they can do background checks. Officials in Saudi Arabia said… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The CEO of Enron, Jeffrey Skilling, married one of the Enron secretaries this week. It's amazing how romantic these Enron guys can… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
This Osama bin Laden guy, spoiled rich kid worth $300M. I have three words for this guy: Anna Nicole Smith. We send… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The White House is now urging Americans not to 'read too much' into last week's jobs report. In fact, they said it… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld said this week there's a good chance we never get bin Laden. bin Laden! We couldn't even get… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Sixty years ago this week Hitler invaded Poland. This led to the creation of The History Channel. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
According to a survey in this week's Time magazine, 85% of Americans think global warming is happening. The other 15% work for… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
French troops arrived in Afghanistan last week, and not a minute too soon. The French are acting as advisers to the Taliban,… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
John Kerry announced that he and his wife are leaving on a week-long vacation. He's going to take her back to the… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Yesterday, President-elect Barack Obama announced his new economic team. You know what he should do? Hire those people who were in charge… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Obama announced this week that he is going to start sending out his own messages personally on Twitter. And today Anthony… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
John Kerry keeping a low profile this week. He said he wanted to get away and go someplace where no one would… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
John Kerry's wife Teresa Heinz is on the cover of Newsweek magazine this week and they said that if he is elected… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
A dead body was discovered this week on the grounds of a country estate owned by Queen Elizabeth. The queen said today… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Obama admitted this week that a former girlfriend that he wrote about in his autobiography was made up and not a… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The White House is defending President Obama's sports activities over the past week, saying that everyone needs leisure time. Thanks to these… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Former Enron CEO Jeffrey Skilling appeared before Congress. Do you think they even bothered swearing him in? Now he is denying he… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
As if this whole thing isn't confusing enough, election officials announced this week that the alphabet on the ballot will begin with… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Bush fell off his mountain bike down on his ranch in Texas. A couple weeks ago, John Kerry fell off his… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Obama is currently on a week-long trip to Africa, where he will promote freedom, democracy, and economic opportunity. I guess he… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Rick Perry was philosophical about (his election losses). He said, 'Last week was Iowa. Yesterday was New Hampshire. ' He said at… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Enron's president, Ken Lay, passed away last week. So, I guess even God lost money on that Enron deal. I believe the… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
It happened again this week. Hundreds of people had to be evacuated from O'Hare Airport in Chicago. Seems every time somebody went… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Bush went out touting his economic record in Ohio last week. Now this is a state that lost 225,000 jobs since… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
John Kerry suspended his campaign for five days this week in honor of President Reagan. And right now, he's ahead in the… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
If you restore a car, and you're making money, then you're doing it wrong. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
There is a nationwide shortage of drugs for Attention Deficit Disorder. The FDA says they're not sure how it happened. I guess somebody wasn't… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
“Leno said the rainy weather in California "couldn't have come at a worse possible time. Today was the day NBC was supposed to burn… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Donald Trump said he will not decide about a possible run for the presidency until after the current season of Celebrity Apprentice wraps up.… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
American forces in Iraq found $650 million in American cash sealed in a hidden cottage. See, this is why President Bush wants to invade… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I wanted to have a career in sports when I was young, but I had to give up the idea. I'm only six feet… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Texas Gov. Rick Perry referred to the Mexican city of Juarez as the most dangerous city in America. In his defense, he probably just… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Mayans have predicted the world is supposed to end on December 21. If the world doesn't end on December 21, you can bet… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Globe reports that North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il raises money by selling fake Viagra pills. What it is about this guy? None of… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
