If you want me to give you a two-hour presentation, I am ready today. If you want only a five-minute speech, it… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Last week I stated that this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The humorous writer professes to awaken and direct your love, your pity, your kindness--your scorn for untruth, pretension, imposture…He takes upon himself… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Compliments make me vain: & when I am vain, I am insolent & overbearing. It is a pity, too, because I love… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Heroine: Girl in a book who is saved from drowning by a hero and marries him next week, but if it was… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech. Overnight success is a fallacy. It is preceded by… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
If science exterminates a disease which has been working for God, it is God that gets the credit and all the pulpits… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
A man's house burns down. The smoking wreckage represents only a ruined home that was dear through years of use and pleasant… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Sing like no one's listening, love like you've never been hurt, dance like nobody's watching, and live like its heaven on earth. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
If you had made the acquiring of ignorance the study of your life, you could not have graduated with higher honor than you could… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“The Creator sat upon the throne, thinking. Behind him stretched the illimitable continent of heaven, steeped in a glory of light and color; before… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
A man accustomed to American food and American domestic cookery would not starve to death suddenly in Europe, but I think he would gradually… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I never write Metropolis for seven cents because I can get the same price for city. I never write policeman because I can get… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The higher animals get their teeth without pain or inconvenience. Man gets his through months and months of cruel torture; he will never get… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“As far as I can see, Italy, for fifteen hundred years, has turned all her energies, all her finances, and all her industry to… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Begin with the determination to succeed and the work is half done already. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Many public-school children seem to know only two dates—1492 and 4th of July; and as a rule they don't know what happened on either… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
