If we go down in flames, we will be laughing on the way down, believe me. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
They say if the warming trend continues, by 2015 Hillary Clinton might actually thaw out. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
If you give everybody a slice of pie, you will still have more than enough. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
If you restore a car, and you're making money, then you're doing it wrong. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Howard Dean was endorsed by Al Gore. Now, if Dean could get Gray Davis to campaign for him, that would put him… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Major heat wave in India - 122 degrees today. It was so hot people in India were sweating like Americans waiting to… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I was born the day I got my license. When I was a kid, if I wanted to go somewhere and see… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
A Canadian psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog's IQ. Here's how it works: if you… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
According to the New York Daily News, Geraldo said he is now carrying a gun, and he will personally shoot Osama bin… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Barack Obama spent his first day as president-elect putting together his transition team. And if you believe MSNBC, by tomorrow he will… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
People want to say there isn't racial profiling at the airport, but let's be honest. If you first name is Mohammed, and… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Saddam Hussein has invited members from the U.S. Congress to visit Iraq. Man how stupid is Hussein? If you think Bush had… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
China is now expected to surpass Japan as the 2nd richest country in the world. They could become the richest, but that's… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Barack Obama's daughters are very smart. They told him they will take the same responsibility for the dog that he is taking… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Did you see those Iraqis making that pilgrimage slashing their foreheads with knives and whipping their backs with chains. See, when Saddam… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
John Kerry was the big winner in Iowa. Ted Kennedy introduced Kerry as the 'comeback kid.' That used to be Bill Clinton's… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
In a speech earlier today President Bush said if Iraq gets rid of Saddam Hussein, he will help the Iraqi people with… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Even Arnold's adviser says he was shocked by his decision to run. I mean, his people were backstage that night and they… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
British scientists say they have developed a super broccoli that can help fight heart disease. You know, if you want to fight… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
In an interview with Univision, President Obama said if there's one thing he's learned, it's that you can't change Washington from within.… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
John Kerry is recovering nicely after having prostate surgery. But the doctors did tell him it would be several months before he… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Climate experts say we should tell villagers in developing countries to reduce the amount of cooking smoke they generate to help fix… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Rick Perry has made so many gaffes lately, it is hard to tell if he's running against President Obama or Joe Biden. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
If I could ask Ken Lay one question right now, do you know what it would be? "Does the Devil really wear… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
At the airport if you refuse to be patted down, they arrest you. And what's the first thing they do when they… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Stephen Hawking is getting a divorce. That's scary. If the smartest guy in the world can't figure out women, we're screwed. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
If President Obama really wants to hurt the Syrian government, don't send cruise missiles. He should send over some of his economic… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Thousands of dead fish have now washed up on shore along the coast of South Carolina. Today the NRA said that this… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The 99 Cent Only Store is calling itself your Valentine's Day headquarters. Guys, if that's your Valentine's Day headquarters, you can also… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
On 'Meet the Press' yesterday President Bush was asked what he would do if he lost the election and Bush said, ''Phhh,… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
How would it be if we discovered that aliens only stopped by earth to let their kids take a leak? — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
In his speech President Bush said we need to rebuild Iraq, provide the people with jobs, and give them hope. If it… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Obama is asking Congress to support a military strike in Syria. If they approve, it will be the first time Congress… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The new specialty at the Iowa fair this year is fried butter on a stick. Of course, if you're like me and… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Mars rover Curiosity has sent back images of some odd things on the surface of Mars, and some people think they… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Texas Governor Rick Perry now says his wife has been encouraging him to run for President. Remember first he told us God… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Chris Christie has officially endorsed Mitt Romney for president. Christie said President Obama is 'shrinking the American pie.' And believe me, if… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
If you restore a car, and you're making money, then you're doing it wrong. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
There is a nationwide shortage of drugs for Attention Deficit Disorder. The FDA says they're not sure how it happened. I guess somebody wasn't… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
“Leno said the rainy weather in California "couldn't have come at a worse possible time. Today was the day NBC was supposed to burn… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Donald Trump said he will not decide about a possible run for the presidency until after the current season of Celebrity Apprentice wraps up.… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
American forces in Iraq found $650 million in American cash sealed in a hidden cottage. See, this is why President Bush wants to invade… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I wanted to have a career in sports when I was young, but I had to give up the idea. I'm only six feet… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Texas Gov. Rick Perry referred to the Mexican city of Juarez as the most dangerous city in America. In his defense, he probably just… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Mayans have predicted the world is supposed to end on December 21. If the world doesn't end on December 21, you can bet… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Globe reports that North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il raises money by selling fake Viagra pills. What it is about this guy? None of… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
