In an interview with Univision, President Obama said if there's one thing he's learned, it's that you can't change Washington from within.… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Democrats say that President Bush doesn't have an exit strategy for Iraq. Of course he does. If things don't go well,… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
If Jay spent as much time studying as he does trying to be a comedian, he'd be a big star. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Rick Perry has made so many gaffes lately, it is hard to tell if he's running against President Obama or Joe Biden. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Major heat wave in India - 122 degrees today. It was so hot people in India were sweating like Americans waiting to… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Arnold Schwarzenegger announced that he is going to run for governor on our program last night. My staff didn't know, Arnold's staff… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Climate experts say we should tell villagers in developing countries to reduce the amount of cooking smoke they generate to help fix… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Stephen Hawking is getting a divorce. That's scary. If the smartest guy in the world can't figure out women, we're screwed. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
If I could ask Ken Lay one question right now, do you know what it would be? "Does the Devil really wear… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Did you see those Iraqis making that pilgrimage slashing their foreheads with knives and whipping their backs with chains. See, when Saddam… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Thousands of dead fish have now washed up on shore along the coast of South Carolina. Today the NRA said that this… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Bush said that our kids must be taught how to read. He said if his aides never learned to read, they'd… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Show business is like Champagne. You'll appreciate it more if you don't drink it everyday — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Now this really annoys me: All these people getting on the Internet and saying Nostradamus predicted this. If Nostradamus were alive today… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Con artists are using Obamacare confusion to sign people up for fake health insurance. The scammers lure victims with false promises like,… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Republican presidential hopeful Mike Hucka-BS is attacking actress Natalie Portman for getting pregnant without being married. It could get a little awkward… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
After saying the jobs bill is paid for, President Obama now says that it will be paid for by raising taxes over… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Scientists believe that monkeys can be taught to think, lie and even play politics within their community. If we can just teach… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Clinton vetoed the repeal of the marriage tax. I guess Bill figures if he's married, then we all have to suffer. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Ron Paul is in favor of letting states legalize marijuana, prostitution, and cocaine. So even if he doesn't win, that's going to… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
At a press conference yesterday NASA announced that 2005 was the hottest year on record. It is so hot, and global warming… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Michele Bachmann said that if she is elected president, she would consider eliminating the Department of Education because "the states could do… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
According to Kim Jong-Il's biography, they say he has been constantly accused of dishonesty, drunkenness and sexual excess. So if he lived… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Have you seen the cover of Newsweek? They have Martha Stewart on the cover, but it's not actually Martha. It's a doctored… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
If you restore a car, and you're making money, then you're doing it wrong. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
There is a nationwide shortage of drugs for Attention Deficit Disorder. The FDA says they're not sure how it happened. I guess somebody wasn't… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
“Leno said the rainy weather in California "couldn't have come at a worse possible time. Today was the day NBC was supposed to burn… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Donald Trump said he will not decide about a possible run for the presidency until after the current season of Celebrity Apprentice wraps up.… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
American forces in Iraq found $650 million in American cash sealed in a hidden cottage. See, this is why President Bush wants to invade… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I wanted to have a career in sports when I was young, but I had to give up the idea. I'm only six feet… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Texas Gov. Rick Perry referred to the Mexican city of Juarez as the most dangerous city in America. In his defense, he probably just… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Mayans have predicted the world is supposed to end on December 21. If the world doesn't end on December 21, you can bet… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Globe reports that North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il raises money by selling fake Viagra pills. What it is about this guy? None of… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
