If Arnold is elected, you know who I'd feel sorry for? The people on death row. Imagine, you're about to be executed,… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The IRS said today anyone with a refund coming from their 2001 taxes will lose it if they don't pick it up… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Everyone is so concerned now where all of the candidates are born. McCain was born on a military base in Panama. Hillary… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Comedy is the only profession where love from a stranger is better than love from a family member. You need to perform… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Yesterday all five living presidents gathered for the opening of the George W. Bush presidential library in Dallas. Well, six living presidents… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Like in [the 1950s] if you wanted to ruin someone´s career in Hollywood you claimed he was a Communist. Nowadays, you want… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
As if this whole thing isn't confusing enough, election officials announced this week that the alphabet on the ballot will begin with… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
If there isn't a parking space out front or I can't see my car from the window, we're eating somewhere else. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
John Kerry says that he wants to debate President Bush once a month until the election. This could be a risky move… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Ann Landers said that you are addicted to sex if you have sex more than 3 times a day, and that you… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
If you think of life as like a big pie, you can try to hold the whole pie and kill yourself trying… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
This Tony Haywire guy, whatever his name is, he told the BBC on Sunday that he believes the new oil cap that… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The White House is now urging Americans not to 'read too much' into last week's jobs report. In fact, they said it… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The latest issue of GQ magazine, John Kerry talks about what a man should look for in a woman. GQ? If John… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Senate is now considering increasing government subsidies for corn growers to produce more ethanol. If we produce enough ethanol we can… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Experts say that if we go to war with Iraq, oil could reach as much as $80 a barrel. Of course, after… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Bush went out touting his economic record in Ohio last week. Now this is a state that lost 225,000 jobs since… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Mitt Romney has a new fundraising gimmick. If you donate $3 or more to his campaign, your name will be entered into… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
People don't mind if you have a lot of money if they know you're working for it. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Today the Secretary of State said that of the 247 candidates, so far 115 of them have been certified. How embarrassing is… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Obama's been reaching out to Iran, reaching out to Cuba, reaching out to Latin America. The only place he can't seem… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
US officials have now approved the first anti-obesity drug for dogs. I'm no a veterinarian, but if your dog is over eating,… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
According to The New York Times, more than half of President Obama's Twitter followers are fake. They don't even exist. Which is… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
John Kerry said today he wants to debate President Bush once a month. Hey good luck, if Bush couldn't make it to… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
If you restore a car, and you're making money, then you're doing it wrong. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
There is a nationwide shortage of drugs for Attention Deficit Disorder. The FDA says they're not sure how it happened. I guess somebody wasn't… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
“Leno said the rainy weather in California "couldn't have come at a worse possible time. Today was the day NBC was supposed to burn… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Donald Trump said he will not decide about a possible run for the presidency until after the current season of Celebrity Apprentice wraps up.… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
American forces in Iraq found $650 million in American cash sealed in a hidden cottage. See, this is why President Bush wants to invade… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I wanted to have a career in sports when I was young, but I had to give up the idea. I'm only six feet… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Texas Gov. Rick Perry referred to the Mexican city of Juarez as the most dangerous city in America. In his defense, he probably just… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Mayans have predicted the world is supposed to end on December 21. If the world doesn't end on December 21, you can bet… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Globe reports that North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il raises money by selling fake Viagra pills. What it is about this guy? None of… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
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