Said Quotes by Jay Leno

President Obama said he is going to use the Gulf disaster to push a new energy bill through Congress. How about using…

— Jay Leno

BP CEO Tony Hayward said he would just like to get his life back. He wants to get his life back. You…

— Jay Leno

According to a new study, 63% of men surveyed said they like to settle an argument by having sex. The other 37%…

— Jay Leno

According to the New York Daily News, Geraldo said he is now carrying a gun, and he will personally shoot Osama bin…

— Jay Leno

Warren Buffett's company reportedly owes the IRS a billion dollars in back taxes. When he said he wasn't paying enough taxes, he…

— Jay Leno

John Kerry said today he wants to debate President Bush once a month. Hey good luck, if Bush couldn't make it to…

— Jay Leno

According to CNN, Donald Rumsfeld said the war in Iraq did not go according to plan. And President Bush said, 'What? We…

— Jay Leno

A Newsweek poll said if the election were held today, John Kerry would beat Bush 49 percent to 46 percent. And today,…

— Jay Leno

Chris Christie has officially endorsed Mitt Romney for president. Christie said President Obama is 'shrinking the American pie.' And believe me, if…

— Jay Leno

Bob Dole revealed he is one of the test subjects for Viagra. He said on Larry King, 'I wish I had bought…

— Jay Leno

Major league baseball has asked its players to stop tossing baseballs into the stands during games, because they say fans fight over…

— Jay Leno

President Bush announced a major new plan for the United States to put a man on the moon, which would be a…

— Jay Leno

Hey, Barack Obama had to give up his Blackberry. He's the first wired president. ... He might have to give his Blackberry…

— Jay Leno

Have you seen the cover of Newsweek? They have Martha Stewart on the cover, but it's not actually Martha. It's a doctored…

— Jay Leno

In an interview with Univision, President Obama said if there's one thing he's learned, it's that you can't change Washington from within.…

— Jay Leno

The Taliban has asked Osama bin Laden to voluntarily leave the country.They said they delivered him a note asking him to leave,…

— Jay Leno

Alaska Governor Sarah Palin pardoned a turkey, though she said she was amazed to find out that, besides being a bird, Turkey…

— Jay Leno

In an interview with Rolling Stone, Senator John Kerry, who is running for president, said that when he voted for the war…

— Jay Leno

It seems The Journal of Neurology reports that the longer you smoke, the less likely you are to develop Parkinson's disease. So…

— Jay Leno

The CEO of Enron, Jeffrey Skilling, married one of the Enron secretaries this week. It's amazing how romantic these Enron guys can…

— Jay Leno

Hillary Clinton said she hopes America is ready for a woman in the Oval Office. That was the great thing about her…

— Jay Leno

President Bush and Bill Clinton both agree that cloning is morally wrong. Clinton said that he thinks humans should be made the…

— Jay Leno

President Bush said global warming is happening much quicker than he thought, and then his staff pulled him aside and said 'It's…

— Jay Leno

When they said "Make love, not war" at Woodstock, they never imagined that one would become as dangerous as the other.

— Jay Leno

Thanksgiving, when the Indians said, "Well, this has been fun, but we know you have a long voyage back to England".

— Jay Leno

Today Arnold Schwarzenegger made another major announcement. He said his lieutenant governor will be Xena, Warrior Princess.

— Jay Leno

President Bush called Arnold to congratulate him today, and after he got off the phone, Arnold said, 'I thought my English was…

— Jay Leno

The leaders of the Taliban said today that killing bin Laden won't solve the problem. But, you know, it couldn't hurt.

— Jay Leno

When President Chirac gave [President] Bush a souvenir statue of the Eiffel Tower... Bush said 'This is great! A little oil rig!'

— Jay Leno

Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception…

— Jay Leno

President Clinton and President Obama played a round of golf over the weekend. President Clinton asked Obama what his handicap was, and…

— Jay Leno

Rumors have restarted that the Republican ticket will not be Bush-Cheney. But today those rumors were put to rest when Cheney said,…

— Jay Leno

On 'Meet the Press' yesterday President Bush was asked what he would do if he lost the election and Bush said, ''Phhh,…

— Jay Leno

General Wesley Clark commented on Gore endorsing Howard Dean. He said endorsements don't win elections. Hey, in this country, votes don't even…

— Jay Leno

Senator John Kerry released his plan today to eliminate the deficit. He said all we have to do is find a really…

— Jay Leno

Courtney Love said she once escorted Kerry to a concert. John Kerry once went out with Courtney Love and he's questioning Bush's…

— Jay Leno

Thousands of dead fish have now washed up on shore along the coast of South Carolina. Today the NRA said that this…

— Jay Leno

John Kerry said today that he wants to get rid of tax cuts for the rich and his wife said, 'Hey, shut…

— Jay Leno

President Bush said that our kids must be taught how to read. He said if his aides never learned to read, they'd…

— Jay Leno

(Gray) Davis said yesterday that he is going to fight like a Bengal tiger, which I believe is also an endangered species.

— Jay Leno