President Bush said the other day the war is not about timetables. It's about winning. Hey, it worked in Florida. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
In an interview with Rolling Stone, Senator John Kerry, who is running for president, said that when he voted for the war… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Bush called Arnold to congratulate him today, and after he got off the phone, Arnold said, 'I thought my English was… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
According to the New York Daily News, Geraldo said he is now carrying a gun, and he will personally shoot Osama bin… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
They said these North Korean missiles had enough range to hit Seattle, but residents in Seattle were not worried. Today Bill Gates… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Rumors have restarted that the Republican ticket will not be Bush-Cheney. But today those rumors were put to rest when Cheney said,… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
John McCain said that Barack Obama is already measuring the drapes in the White House. That's what he said. I understand Sarah… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
And Ralph Nader, God bless him, still out there campaigning. Ralph Nader said today he has set a record for the most… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Bush announced a major new plan for the United States to put a man on the moon, which would be a… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I watched that new reality show on ABC with Charlie Gibson, 'America's Next Top Vice President.' ... Oh, what an exciting show… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I flew this past weekend. I went through airport security and said to the guy, 'Is everything okay?' He said, 'You might… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
In his speech last night, John Kerry said this was the beginning of the end of the Bush administration. I agree. Sure,… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
In his speech President Bush said we need to rebuild Iraq, provide the people with jobs, and give them hope. If it… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
John Kerry's wife Teresa Heinz is on the cover of Newsweek magazine this week and they said that if he is elected… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Sarah Palin has admitted she tried marijuana several years ago, but she did not like it. She said it distorted her perceptions,… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
According to CNN, Donald Rumsfeld said the war in Iraq did not go according to plan. And President Bush said, 'What? We… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
In Chicago some anti-Mitt Romney protesters told reporters they're being paid to protest. They said they're being paid by Democrats to stand… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
In Afghanistan, U.S. troops are now holding an American man who has been fighting alongside the Taliban. His mother says he was… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The military said we'll be able to confirm Saddam is dead with DNA testing. Apparently we have a sample of his DNA.… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Hillary Clinton said that her childhood dream was to be an Olympic athlete. But she was not athletic enough. She said she… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
It is said that life begins when the fetus can exist apart from its mother. By this definition, many people in Hollywood… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Senator John Kerry released his plan today to eliminate the deficit. He said all we have to do is find a really… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'Id like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
A hiker who was lost in a blizzard said he stayed alive by digging a snow tunnel and burning dollar bills for… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Elections officials here in California are concerned that having 247 candidates would require a ballot so long it would be difficult to… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
If you restore a car, and you're making money, then you're doing it wrong. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
There is a nationwide shortage of drugs for Attention Deficit Disorder. The FDA says they're not sure how it happened. I guess somebody wasn't… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
“Leno said the rainy weather in California "couldn't have come at a worse possible time. Today was the day NBC was supposed to burn… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Donald Trump said he will not decide about a possible run for the presidency until after the current season of Celebrity Apprentice wraps up.… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
American forces in Iraq found $650 million in American cash sealed in a hidden cottage. See, this is why President Bush wants to invade… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I wanted to have a career in sports when I was young, but I had to give up the idea. I'm only six feet… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Texas Gov. Rick Perry referred to the Mexican city of Juarez as the most dangerous city in America. In his defense, he probably just… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Mayans have predicted the world is supposed to end on December 21. If the world doesn't end on December 21, you can bet… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Globe reports that North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il raises money by selling fake Viagra pills. What it is about this guy? None of… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
