Arnold said this is a last minute attack by Democrats. How did Arnold know to grope only Democrats? — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
They said that President Bush's war in Iraq has cost the former Spanish Prime Minister his job. So President Bush isn't losing… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Attorney General John Ashcroft said there is a new credible terrorist threat. He said everything is under control; not to panic. And… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Yesterday President Obama said, 'We can't continue to treat tax money like monopoly money.' Oh really - how come all those guys… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
In his speech last night, John Kerry said this was the beginning of the end of the Bush administration. I agree. Sure,… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
In an exclusive interview with the Christian Broadcasting Network Donald Trump said "I believe in god." But of course The Donald was… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
One critic in the L.A. Times said John Kerry looks like he is thinking too much. Well this is one place President… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
In his speech President Bush said we need to rebuild Iraq, provide the people with jobs, and give them hope. If it… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Last night, John McCain said that under the Democratic health care plan, a bureaucrat would stand between you and your doctor, as… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Senator Kerry recovering very nicely after having shoulder surgery. The doctors said the senator was fully awake, lucid and joking after the… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
John Kerry keeping a low profile this week. He said he wanted to get away and go someplace where no one would… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The big story now is that President Bush is coming under attack for his service in the National Guard. The White House… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
A Democratic congressman said that he worries that the IRS scandal might have a chilling effect on the IRA and that they… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Obama announced this week that he is going to start sending out his own messages personally on Twitter. And today Anthony… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
A dead body was discovered this week on the grounds of a country estate owned by Queen Elizabeth. The queen said today… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I flew this past weekend. I went through airport security and said to the guy, 'Is everything okay?' He said, 'You might… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The military said we'll be able to confirm Saddam is dead with DNA testing. Apparently we have a sample of his DNA.… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
They determined who got the first question by a coin toss, to which Sarah Palin said, 'Oh, what a coincidence, that's how… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
When Rick Perry was told about Kim Jong Il, he said, 'I never heard of him, but then again, I don't listen… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
John Kerry went hunting today. He said he killed a goose. He didn't bring Teresa along because he was a little rusty… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Vice President Joe Biden said today that 'Syria must be held accountable.' Unfortunately, the Obama administration has never employed an accountant, so… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
"I am not just another notch on your belt?" she asked him. "Of course not." he said as he put a mark… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Nancy Pelosi said that when it comes to cleaning up government, the Democrats have drained the swamp. The only problem with that… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
John Kerry and Ralph Nader met face-to-face, it was a historic meeting. Astronomers said today their meeting actually created what is called… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Obama said he plans on training 10,000 new math and science teachers. How about teaching math to that economic team of his? — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The report on climate change said that humans are very likely making the planet warmer. To which Hillary Clinton said, 'Hey, can't… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Whitney Houston rear-ended a city bus with her sports car, but no one was hurt. She said she didn't know what happened.… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
When Clinton said he was going to create 8 million new jobs, I didn't think they were all going to be tax collectors. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld said this week there's a good chance we never get bin Laden. bin Laden! We couldn't even get… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
It is said that life begins when the fetus can exist apart from its mother. By this definition, many people in Hollywood… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The White House is now urging Americans not to 'read too much' into last week's jobs report. In fact, they said it… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Bush administration said today there is a lot of support for us to attack Iraq. Exxon, Mobil, Texaco, Chevron, they're all… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Canadian Prime Minister said Canada would lend the U.S. its full military support. You know what that means: Both tanks. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
A survey asked married women when they most want to have sex. 84 per cent of them said right after their husband… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Mirror interviewed one of Osama bin Laden's sons and said bin Laden has 42 children. That's going to happen when you… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
A Libyan rebel has admitted to killing Moammar Gadhafi. He said he shot Gadhafi twice in the temple, to which Michele Bachmann… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Bush said the other day the war is not about timetables. It's about winning. Hey, it worked in Florida. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
CNN said that after the war, there is a plan to divide Iraq into three parts: regular, premium and unleaded. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
A hiker who was lost in a blizzard said he stayed alive by digging a snow tunnel and burning dollar bills for… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Barack Obama said today that politics has become too gummed up by money and influence ... and then he had to leave… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
If you restore a car, and you're making money, then you're doing it wrong. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
There is a nationwide shortage of drugs for Attention Deficit Disorder. The FDA says they're not sure how it happened. I guess somebody wasn't… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
“Leno said the rainy weather in California "couldn't have come at a worse possible time. Today was the day NBC was supposed to burn… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Donald Trump said he will not decide about a possible run for the presidency until after the current season of Celebrity Apprentice wraps up.… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
American forces in Iraq found $650 million in American cash sealed in a hidden cottage. See, this is why President Bush wants to invade… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I wanted to have a career in sports when I was young, but I had to give up the idea. I'm only six feet… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Texas Gov. Rick Perry referred to the Mexican city of Juarez as the most dangerous city in America. In his defense, he probably just… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Mayans have predicted the world is supposed to end on December 21. If the world doesn't end on December 21, you can bet… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Globe reports that North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il raises money by selling fake Viagra pills. What it is about this guy? None of… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
