Schwarzenegger said last night on the show he expects his opponents to throw all kinds of dirt at him. And you know,… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Hey, Barack Obama had to give up his Blackberry. He's the first wired president. ... He might have to give his Blackberry… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld said this week there's a good chance we never get bin Laden. bin Laden! We couldn't even get… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
John Kerry went hunting today. He said he killed a goose. He didn't bring Teresa along because he was a little rusty… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Today Arnold Schwarzenegger made another major announcement. He said his lieutenant governor will be Xena, Warrior Princess. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
When Clinton said he was going to create 8 million new jobs, I didn't think they were all going to be tax collectors. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
At the G-20 summit, the White House accidentally listed a phone-sex line for journalists seeking an on-record briefing call for Secretary of… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Alaska Governor Sarah Palin pardoned a turkey, though she said she was amazed to find out that, besides being a bird, Turkey… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Whitney Houston rear-ended a city bus with her sports car, but no one was hurt. She said she didn't know what happened.… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
John Kerry said today that he wants to get rid of tax cuts for the rich and his wife said, 'Hey, shut… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry came down pretty hard on fellow candidate Howard Dean this weekend. After Dean misspoke several times, Kerry… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Attorney General John Ashcroft said there is a new credible terrorist threat. He said everything is under control; not to panic. And… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Thousands of dead fish have now washed up on shore along the coast of South Carolina. Today the NRA said that this… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Bush said that our kids must be taught how to read. He said if his aides never learned to read, they'd… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Bill Clinton is the only ex-president who hasn't planned his own funeral. But, in his defense, in the past he has said… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
They had a profile of John Kerry on the news and they said his first wife was worth around $300 million and… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
One critic in the L.A. Times said John Kerry looks like he is thinking too much. Well this is one place President… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Courtney Love said she once escorted Kerry to a concert. John Kerry once went out with Courtney Love and he's questioning Bush's… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
(Gray) Davis said yesterday that he is going to fight like a Bengal tiger, which I believe is also an endangered species. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Jesse Jackson also said he thought Barack Obama was talking down to black people by lecturing them on things like fatherhood and… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Obama's re-election campaign said that this year they'll knock on 150 percent more doors than they did in 2008. Well, of… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
They determined who got the first question by a coin toss, to which Sarah Palin said, 'Oh, what a coincidence, that's how… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Obama said he is going to use the Gulf disaster to push a new energy bill through Congress. How about using… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Vice President Joe Biden said today that 'Syria must be held accountable.' Unfortunately, the Obama administration has never employed an accountant, so… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
BP CEO Tony Hayward said he would just like to get his life back. He wants to get his life back. You… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
If you restore a car, and you're making money, then you're doing it wrong. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
There is a nationwide shortage of drugs for Attention Deficit Disorder. The FDA says they're not sure how it happened. I guess somebody wasn't… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
“Leno said the rainy weather in California "couldn't have come at a worse possible time. Today was the day NBC was supposed to burn… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Donald Trump said he will not decide about a possible run for the presidency until after the current season of Celebrity Apprentice wraps up.… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
American forces in Iraq found $650 million in American cash sealed in a hidden cottage. See, this is why President Bush wants to invade… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I wanted to have a career in sports when I was young, but I had to give up the idea. I'm only six feet… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Texas Gov. Rick Perry referred to the Mexican city of Juarez as the most dangerous city in America. In his defense, he probably just… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Mayans have predicted the world is supposed to end on December 21. If the world doesn't end on December 21, you can bet… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Globe reports that North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il raises money by selling fake Viagra pills. What it is about this guy? None of… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
