Jobs Quotes by Jay Leno

President Obama was in India yesterday visiting our jobs. Tomorrow he goes to China to visit our money.

— Jay Leno

If any job should give you a company car, it's the car bomb business.

— Jay Leno

Another air traffic controller fell asleep on the job, but he had a good excuse. He was watching President Obama’s deficit speech.

— Jay Leno

It’s being reported that the economy lost 95,000 jobs in September. And that’s just people leaving the White House.

— Jay Leno

Yesterday morning Facebook was temporarily offline, leaving millions of workers unable to do anything except their jobs.

— Jay Leno

The worst thing about losing this job: I’m no longer covered by NBC. I have to sign up for ObamaCare.

— Jay Leno

Good news. President Bush is creating thousands of new jobs. Unfortunately, all of them are at the White House.

— Jay Leno

We ought to thank President Bush. He made it a lot easier for people to do taxes this year. No job, no…

— Jay Leno

President Bush is now focusing on jobs. I think the one job he's focusing most on is his own. The White House…

— Jay Leno

President Obama was in Disney World today where he unveiled his new plan to create jobs. He was joined by Mickey Mouse…

— Jay Leno

In Chicago some anti-Mitt Romney protesters told reporters they're being paid to protest. They said they're being paid by Democrats to stand…

— Jay Leno

In Huntington Beach, California, three police instructors lost their jobs after ordering two cadets who were caught smoking to eat cigarette sandwiches…

— Jay Leno

The big question now is who will take power in Afghanistan once the Taliban is defeated. I was thinking, how about Al…

— Jay Leno

Is it me or is President Bush's life starting to sound like a country song. He's from Texas, his dog just died,…

— Jay Leno

Republicans are now saying that Dan Rather should lose his job because he misled the country with bogus information. Which is odd…

— Jay Leno

President Bush earned $400,000 for his job as president last year. That's not really that much for being president when you think…

— Jay Leno

The Obama administration asked General Motors CEO Rick Wagoner to step down, and he agreed. This is good news for Obama; the…

— Jay Leno

As you know, there were lots of huge marches around the country yesterday to protest the immigration laws. The marches had quite…

— Jay Leno

In Afghanistan, U.S. troops are now holding an American man who has been fighting alongside the Taliban. His mother says he was…

— Jay Leno

President Bush said that American workers will need new skills to get the new jobs in the 21st century. Some of the…

— Jay Leno

According to government auditors, the stimulus money is being held up because there aren't enough government workers to oversee the spending. So…

— Jay Leno

In his annual economic report to Congress President Bush said that the transfer of American jobs overseas is actually part of a…

— Jay Leno

President Bush went out touting his economic record in Ohio last week. Now this is a state that lost 225,000 jobs since…

— Jay Leno

Do you realize that the Bush administration has now produced more gay marriages than jobs?

— Jay Leno

San Francisco hosted the first medical marijuana job fair. The keynote speech was titled, 'Jobs and How to Avoid Getting One.'

— Jay Leno

When Clinton said he was going to create 8 million new jobs, I didn't think they were all going to be tax collectors.

— Jay Leno

President-elect Barack Obama is starting to get an idea of just how hard his new job is going to be. Today, he…

— Jay Leno

President Obama will be going to Disney World where he'll unveil his new plan to create jobs. And what better place for…

— Jay Leno

Al Gore has found a new job. He is going to teach journalism at Columbia University, which is ironic isn't it? The…

— Jay Leno

Major heat wave in India - 122 degrees today. It was so hot people in India were sweating like Americans waiting to…

— Jay Leno

After saying the jobs bill is paid for, President Obama now says that it will be paid for by raising taxes over…

— Jay Leno

According to The New York Times, more than half of President Obama's Twitter followers are fake. They don't even exist. Which is…

— Jay Leno

According to today's Los Angeles Times, Gray Davis now gets negative job ratings from white people, black people, Latinos, Republicans, Independents and…

— Jay Leno

The White House says that the unemployment rate is good news because it means more people are looking for jobs. More good…

— Jay Leno

They said that President Bush's war in Iraq has cost the former Spanish Prime Minister his job. So President Bush isn't losing…

— Jay Leno

In his speech President Bush said we need to rebuild Iraq, provide the people with jobs, and give them hope. If it…

— Jay Leno

Researchers at Harvard say that taking a power nap for an hour in the afternoon can totally refresh you. They say that…

— Jay Leno

Mitt Romney is predicting that as president, he will create 12 million jobs in his first term. Well, President Obama says a…

— Jay Leno

According to geologists, about 100 million years from now, Asia and the Americas will smash together to form one giant supercontinent. The…

— Jay Leno

Osama bin Laden has hired 10 look-alikes. Now, how hard up do you have to be before you take that job? There's…

— Jay Leno