What we don't know is about Jeb Bush and cocaine. But we do know that he did once had his brother Florida… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
New Rule: I don't give two fingleberries and a McShit-all that Dumbledore is gay. I never wanted to know who Dumbledore was… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Romney, Gingrich, Santorum spent their week lecturing America about the morality of birth control. You know, you guys don't need birth control,… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
The president boasted at the top of his press conference that we have the support now of Britain and Spain for our… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
When the tabloids photograph me when I'm out, I always say: "You know what, folks? I'm not married and I'm not gay.… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I think I know now why we are occupying Iraq. In case we have to sell America and move to a smaller… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Gordon Gekko was right: greed is good. Because, the potty-trained Republicans have now stepped forward - like the Koch brothers - to… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Sometimes I'm dragging my ass out to the airport at 8 a.m. on a Saturday and I'm wondering why I'm doing this,… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I know a whole generation has been raised on the notion of multiculturalism; that all civilizations are just different. No! Not always.… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
A president can be unpopular for good reasons. You know, I'm not always on the side that the people are right, for… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Is it [hunting] really a sport if you have all the equipment and your opponent doesn't know a game is going on? — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
There is a big difference between a disappointing friend and a deadly enemy. Of course the Democrats are disappointing. That's what makes… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I'd just like to know what a cop WOULD have to do to get indicted - and what good are cop cameras… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Also, in the category of 'obvious but still shocking,' an animal called a 'killer whale' killed someone who was trying to play… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
The teachers don't know anything. What are the kids going to learn with a horrible education system? — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Look at the list of liberals who are active in politics, if not running. Barbra Streisand, Sean Penn, Warren Beatty, Springsteen, Spielberg...… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
You know, the only place in America where the millionaires and billionaires are predominantly liberal is here in Hollywood. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Please stop assuming that longevity and perfect health is always the correct option. No. Sometimes fun costs ya. It just does, you… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Do you think if it was the fairy tale about a man who lived inside of a whale and it was religion… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Hot women have to stop putting long paragraphs of text on their bodies. I know you think it's sexy but one thing… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I know climate change is a hoax – of course – but places that have never seen this type of winter weather… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Rick Perry said Obama's suggestions for gun control disgust him. He said the real answer to this problem isn't laws, it's prayer.… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
The comedy gods are smiling on me tonight, because I have been saying, for the longest time, that president Bush must set… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Ted Cruz, of course, was furious that the big storm back east shut down the government. He said, 'That my job!' But… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
A lot of people say they are dyslexic; some have to realize that they are just stupid. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I saw this anti-drug commercial that showed a kid smoking pot in his dad`s room with his friend. This kid finds a gun, the… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
To all conservative women out there: If you are so sure the embryo needed for stem cell research are precious human life that can't… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
You see, the difference is the Republicans' hatred of Obama is based on a paranoid feeling about what he might do, what he's thinking,… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
New Rule: There is no devil, so stop blaming your screw-ups on him. Last week, one of the biggest evangelical leaders in America, the… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
If we were a dog and God owned us, the cops would come and take us away. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“New Rule: The White House doesn't have to release the dead Bin Laden photos, but don't pretend we can't take it. We've seen pictures… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I don't hate America. I love America. I want it to be better. The only way we can get it to be better is… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“New Rule: Americans must realize what makes NFL football so great: socialism. That's right, the NFL takes money from the rich teams and gives… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
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