Every time [Rand Paul] opens his mouth, it gets a little crazier. Today he angrily demanded that the liberal media stop quoting… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
There was one awkward moment where a black man stood-up to ask a question and out of habit, Bush said 'Clemency denied.' — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
In ancient times they sacrificed the virgins. Men were not about to sacrifice the sluts! — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
What's going to be hard for the United States is that our policy for a long time has been a two-state solution;… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
you know... there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time.... husband!!! — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
The comedy gods are smiling on me tonight, because I have been saying, for the longest time, that president Bush must set… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
You know, if you're an American and you're born at this time in history especially, you're lucky. We all are. We won… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Some people think I enjoy debate. I don't. I wish everyone agreed with me; it would save a lot of time. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
It's a good time to say "Oh" and take stock and say, "Gee, how was I ethically this year?" That's the problem… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I want to just take a moment to thank the Teabaggers. Thank you so much for helping us pass health care, for… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“New Rule: Conservatives have to stop rolling their eyes every time they hear the word "France." Like just calling something French is… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
When people say to me, 'You hate America,' I don't hate America. I love America. I am just embarrassed that it has… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I'm worried about a permanent Republican majority. That's what I'm worried about for the future. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
People say to me all the time, "I get my news from your show." And that isn't the way they should get… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Every time somebody says 'Islamophobia' it gives the people who are intimidating cover. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Our mistakes from the past are just that: mistakes. And they were necessary to make in order to become the wiser person… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“Isn't it time we asked ourselves, are we willing to accept any behavior codified within religious or cultural practice? Is there no… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Shouldn't we be against procreation at this point in time? With overpopulation and the strain on the resources on this planet? Shouldn't… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
People who don't like you almost never come up to you. That's a lot of years of saying things that I know… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Well, I hate to tell youbut if you have a flu shot for more than five years in a row, there's ten… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
It's that time of year again, April 15, taxes. I know it's depressing, but just remember, you're paying for roads, bridges, hospitals,… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
On the show, I do a very serious thing. And a lot of people have a hard time reconciling that with what… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Our mistakes from the past are just that: mistakes. And they were necessary to make in order to become the wiser person… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
A lot of people say they are dyslexic; some have to realize that they are just stupid. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I saw this anti-drug commercial that showed a kid smoking pot in his dad`s room with his friend. This kid finds a gun, the… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
To all conservative women out there: If you are so sure the embryo needed for stem cell research are precious human life that can't… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
You see, the difference is the Republicans' hatred of Obama is based on a paranoid feeling about what he might do, what he's thinking,… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
New Rule: There is no devil, so stop blaming your screw-ups on him. Last week, one of the biggest evangelical leaders in America, the… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
If we were a dog and God owned us, the cops would come and take us away. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“New Rule: The White House doesn't have to release the dead Bin Laden photos, but don't pretend we can't take it. We've seen pictures… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I don't hate America. I love America. I want it to be better. The only way we can get it to be better is… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“New Rule: Americans must realize what makes NFL football so great: socialism. That's right, the NFL takes money from the rich teams and gives… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
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