If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
If a President must constantly remind the people that we're at war, then we're not. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
If I thought the Lord was speaking to me I'd check myself into Bellevue, and I think you should too. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Why is the AMA for 'Obamacare'? If this is going to hurt doctors, why are they for 'Obamacare'? — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
If we were a dog and God owned us, the cops would come and take us away. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
So many kids are fat drug addicts these days, it's almost as if Rush Limbaugh had puppies. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
If it makes you feel any better we will be happy to attack a country that had nothing to do with it. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Republicans are obsessed with abortion...if they really wanted to protect the weakest, most helpless people, wouldn't they protect the Democrats? — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
There's a new iPad out...People are going nuts for this thing...And, today, Mitt Romney said, 'It's a flat piece of white plastic.… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
If there is such a thing as karma, let's hope that Sarah Palin comes back as a wolf being shot at from… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Don't you think that being a person of faith has become a third rail in American politics? If you want to run… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
In ten Muslim countries you can get the death penalty just for being gay. If they were chopping the heads off of… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I have two dogs. If I had retarded children, I'd be a hero. And yet, the dogs are pretty much the same… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Is it [hunting] really a sport if you have all the equipment and your opponent doesn't know a game is going on? — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Lip-synching?! Let that be a lesson. If you are in Washington, D.C., and you open your mouth and another voice comes out,… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Sam Harris made that great analogy. He said, 'If someone was talking into their hair dryer and claiming that they were speaking… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
The Founding Fathers were more deists. If you had to categorize them as anything. There was some sort of moving prime force.… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Herman Cain answered the Wall Street protesters, and he had a message for these protesters. He said, 'If you don't have a… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Look at the list of liberals who are active in politics, if not running. Barbra Streisand, Sean Penn, Warren Beatty, Springsteen, Spielberg...… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I feel terrible for a Palestinian child who dies. But, if it's your father, your brother or your uncle who was firing… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Religions are maintained by people. People who can't get laid, because sex is the first great earthly pleasure. But if you can't… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
If you think Democrats are going to take away your Bible, you're an idiot. If you think they are going to take… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
New Rule: If you still think Obama is a Muslim, you just might be a redneck. A Christian church in South Carolina… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Republicans don't have to accept evolution, economics, climatology, or human sexuality, but I just watched a week of their national convention, and… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
There is a big difference between a disappointing friend and a deadly enemy. Of course the Democrats are disappointing. That's what makes… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
People, especially the liberals, just live in this world where if anything is said that offends anybody even a little bit, not… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I was brought up Catholic and we show my mom, my mother, my sister and then I take pains to explain on… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
If anti-gay stuff is always coming out of your mouth, something very gay is probably going in. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
If you want to get rich with a tax free enterprise that sells nothing, start a church. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
If you have a few hundred followers and you let some of them molest children, they call you a cult leader. If… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Rick Santorum doesn't like sex. He doesn't like the pill. He really doesn't like condoms. He said if men are going to… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
If the Hamas people had the opportunity, they would kill the maximum number of Israelis, which would be all. And, Israel has… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
In America, if a Democrat even thinks you're calling him liberal he grabs an orange vest and a rifle and heads into… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Russia has banned all adoptions to Americans. So, if you were hoping to get a little white kid with fetal alcohol syndrome,… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
If you believe Jesus ever had a good word for war or torture or tax cuts for the rich, or raping the… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
If you, the citizen, deliberately vote for someone who won't give you healthcare over someone who will, you need to have your… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
The Eleventh Commandment: don't speak ill of a fellow Republican. What if the fellow Republican is doing something that hurts America? Isn't… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
New Rule: I don't give two fingleberries and a McShit-all that Dumbledore is gay. I never wanted to know who Dumbledore was… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
A lot of people say they are dyslexic; some have to realize that they are just stupid. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I saw this anti-drug commercial that showed a kid smoking pot in his dad's room with his friend. This kid finds a gun, the… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
To all conservative women out there: If you are so sure the embryo needed for stem cell research are precious human life that can't… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
You see, the difference is the Republicans' hatred of Obama is based on a paranoid feeling about what he might do, what he's thinking,… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
New Rule: There is no devil, so stop blaming your screw-ups on him. Last week, one of the biggest evangelical leaders in America, the… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
If we were a dog and God owned us, the cops would come and take us away. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“New Rule: The White House doesn't have to release the dead Bin Laden photos, but don't pretend we can't take it. We've seen pictures… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I don't hate America. I love America. I want it to be better. The only way we can get it to be better is… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“New Rule: Americans must realize what makes NFL football so great: socialism. That's right, the NFL takes money from the rich teams and gives… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
![“Is it [hunting] really a sport if you have all the equipment and your opponent doesn't know a game is going on?” quote by Bill Maher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/ce8/bill-maher-211_equipment_is-it-hunting-really-a-sport-if-you-have_477324.jpg)
