Politicians will promise some pretty ridiculous things. They will promise a chicken in every pot. They'll promise that they'll keep Social Security… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
If you came into the theater believing in the talking snake, it's kind of hard to leave the theater still believing in… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Mitt Romney we think is going run again. He says he has no plans to run, but he said if he did… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
If you can look at a crime where everything points to one answer and not see it, you're a dumb-ass. And if… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I think that religion stops people from thinking. I think it justifies crazies. I think flying planes into a building was a… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I don't know if anybody from my tribe of atheists ever thanked [Barack Obama] for giving us a shout-out at your first… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
If you believe that the world is going to come to an end - and perhaps any day now - does it… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Ebola has arrived in New York City. And I say, 'if it can make it there...it can make it anywhere!' — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
The media is all over this Oui interview that Arnold did 25 years ago. Now, he's admitted he smoked pot, had group… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Well, I hate to tell youbut if you have a flu shot for more than five years in a row, there's ten… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
It is appalling to make Jesus out of food! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go bake some communion wafers. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I hear a lot of talk today about xenophobia. Is it really phobia if you have something to be afraid of? — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I don't know if you heard the news, but Wall Street now is a farmer's market. I don't want to say things… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
You'd know if I was the de-facto leader of the Democratic Party, because you'd go down to Walgreen's and buy a pack… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I don't believe in a lot of things from the Bronze Age, but an eye for an eye does make a sort… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I just don't see why anybody would vote Republican in the Army. If you want to support the troops, if I was… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I have such disdain for anybody who gets joy out of blowing the stuffing out of a little woodland creature, that I… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
The shame would be if Democrats get thrown out of office without ever having tried Democratic policies. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
We survived the 1980's. Back then, the economic program was called 'trickle down.' That actually meant they were pissing on you. How… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
The truth can be hard to take, but we have an obligation to look and see what's going on, and, if we… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Many people can't deal with unanswered questions, which religion exploits by providing answers, even if they are just made up by someone.… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
If conservatives get to call universal healthcare 'socialized medicine,' I get to call private, for-profit healthcare 'soulless, vampire bastards making money off… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
New rule: If churches don't have to pay taxes, they also can't call the fire department when they catch fire. Sorry reverend,… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
If the bible myth of Jonah in the whale and the Mother Goose myth of Jack and the Beanstalk were switched at… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
A lot of people say they are dyslexic; some have to realize that they are just stupid. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I saw this anti-drug commercial that showed a kid smoking pot in his dad`s room with his friend. This kid finds a gun, the… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
To all conservative women out there: If you are so sure the embryo needed for stem cell research are precious human life that can't… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
You see, the difference is the Republicans' hatred of Obama is based on a paranoid feeling about what he might do, what he's thinking,… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
New Rule: There is no devil, so stop blaming your screw-ups on him. Last week, one of the biggest evangelical leaders in America, the… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
If we were a dog and God owned us, the cops would come and take us away. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“New Rule: The White House doesn't have to release the dead Bin Laden photos, but don't pretend we can't take it. We've seen pictures… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I don't hate America. I love America. I want it to be better. The only way we can get it to be better is… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“New Rule: Americans must realize what makes NFL football so great: socialism. That's right, the NFL takes money from the rich teams and gives… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
