“I find that the world is changing much, much faster than I can even bitch about it.” — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Based on every statement I’ve heard out of any Republican in the last two years, the Israelis are controlling our government. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
We've been on a long break and I've just been kicking back, doing nothing. Like our government. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels & free thinkers. It's overrun with sheep & conformists.” — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Unemployment is down, confidence is up, DOW 5,000 above Bush - or as Republicans put it, let's talk about gay people and abortion! — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I have always defined political correctness as an elevation of sensitivity over truth. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“We're a complacent society, hard to get riled up in the first place, and then when we do, it's misdirected.” — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
There are two things that you have to lie to get through. One is politics, and the other is marriage. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
If you belonged to a political party or a social club that was tied to as much bigotry, misogyny, homophobia, violence, and… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Government - they used to teach it in college. It's actually something you should study and learn and know how to do.… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“We convince ourselves that even our shameless waste, our unchecked consumption and our appalling ignorance of anyplace in the world except our… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
No politician is perfect. But in every election in your life, there will be one choice that is better than the others.… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Ted Cruz, of course, was furious that the big storm back east shut down the government. He said, 'That my job!' But… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Trusting the government to monitor your calls without listening. It's kind of like trusting Chris Christie to pick up the McDonald's and… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
If you belonged to a political party or a social club that was tied to as much bigotry, misogyny, homophobia, violence, and… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
And he said that 47%-that's pretty high-47% of Americans are basically welfare bums who are mooching off the government. And then he… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Look at the list of liberals who are active in politics, if not running. Barbra Streisand, Sean Penn, Warren Beatty, Springsteen, Spielberg...… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Barack Obama is the President of the United States, a politician in America, a very religious country, so I understand why he… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
The federal government... announced a plan to spend, like, a trillion of taxpayer dollars to buy out bad mortgages and debt. Wall… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
...what I love about Ann Coulter is that she's sort of the-she's sort of a version of myself in that she absolutely… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Freedom isn't free. It shouldn't be a bragging point that 'Oh, I don't get involved in politics,' as if that makes someone… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“New Rule: Since Glenn Beck is clearly onto us, liberals must launch our plan for socialist domination immediately. Listen closely, comrades, I've… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“New Rule: Now that liberals have taken back the word "liberal," they also have to take back the word "elite." By now… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“New Rule: Conservatives have to stop rolling their eyes every time they hear the word "France." Like just calling something French is… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“New Rule: You don't have to teach both sides of a debate if one side is a load of crap. President Bush… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“New Rule: Americans must realize what makes NFL football so great: socialism. That's right, the NFL takes money from the rich teams… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
"Hi. You know with everything going down in West Palm Beach, and the holidays right around the corner I couldn't think of… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“New Rule: America must stop bragging it's the greatest country on earth, and start acting like it. I know this is uncomfortable… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“New Rule: Conservatives have to stop complaining about Hollywood values. It's Oscar time again, which means two things: (1) I've got to… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Don't you think that being a person of faith has become a third rail in American politics? If you want to run… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
In the Muslim world, much of it, they cannot conceive of something coming out of the United States that wouldn't be sanctioned… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“New Rule: It's okay for the president to play ball in the house. It's easy to judge and say this scene detracts… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“We should stop worrying so much about the price of gasoline and start considering its cost . You really want to be… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
This is a powerful message from our government: we will not be intimidated by bombs; we will not be intimidated by poison;… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
New Rule: This Valentine’s Day Americans must remember that politicians are like a box of chocolates. We bite into them to find… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“New Rule: You can't put a windmill in your campaign ad if you voted against every single bill that might lead to… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
A lot of people say they are dyslexic; some have to realize that they are just stupid. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I saw this anti-drug commercial that showed a kid smoking pot in his dad's room with his friend. This kid finds a gun, the… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
To all conservative women out there: If you are so sure the embryo needed for stem cell research are precious human life that can't… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
You see, the difference is the Republicans' hatred of Obama is based on a paranoid feeling about what he might do, what he's thinking,… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
New Rule: There is no devil, so stop blaming your screw-ups on him. Last week, one of the biggest evangelical leaders in America, the… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
If we were a dog and God owned us, the cops would come and take us away. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“New Rule: The White House doesn't have to release the dead Bin Laden photos, but don't pretend we can't take it. We've seen pictures… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I don't hate America. I love America. I want it to be better. The only way we can get it to be better is… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“New Rule: Americans must realize what makes NFL football so great: socialism. That's right, the NFL takes money from the rich teams and gives… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
