“New Rule: Americans must realize what makes NFL football so great: socialism. That's right, the NFL takes money from the rich teams… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“I find that the world is changing much, much faster than I can even bitch about it.” — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
"Hi. You know with everything going down in West Palm Beach, and the holidays right around the corner I couldn't think of… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“New Rule: You don't have to teach both sides of a debate if one side is a load of crap. President Bush… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Freedom isn't free. It shouldn't be a bragging point that 'Oh, I don't get involved in politics,' as if that makes someone… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“New Rule: Democrats must get in touch with their inner asshole. I refer to the case of Van Jones, the man the… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“New Rule: Now that liberals have taken back the word "liberal," they also have to take back the word "elite." By now… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
The federal government... announced a plan to spend, like, a trillion of taxpayer dollars to buy out bad mortgages and debt. Wall… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Ronald Reagan came from show business. His idea of how the government should help the homeless was like your agent. "We'll try… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
In the Muslim world, much of it, they cannot conceive of something coming out of the United States that wouldn't be sanctioned… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“Republicans: 'we fought the good fight' - yeah, it woulda been worth it if we could have prevented just one poor kid… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Rand Paul and Chris Christie both said vaccinations should be a choice, not a government mandate. Because when have Republicans ever told… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Look at the list of liberals who are active in politics, if not running. Barbra Streisand, Sean Penn, Warren Beatty, Springsteen, Spielberg...… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
If you belonged to a political party or a social club that was tied to as much bigotry, misogyny, homophobia, violence, and… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
There are two things that you have to lie to get through. One is politics, and the other is marriage. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
New Rule: This Valentine’s Day Americans must remember that politicians are like a box of chocolates. We bite into them to find… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Ted Cruz, of course, was furious that the big storm back east shut down the government. He said, 'That my job!' But… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels & free thinkers. It's overrun with sheep & conformists.” — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
The First Amendment was specifically designed for citizens to insult politicians. Libel laws were written to protect law students speaking out on… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Government - they used to teach it in college. It's actually something you should study and learn and know how to do.… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
No politician is perfect. But in every election in your life, there will be one choice that is better than the others.… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“New Rule: Republicans must stop pitting the American people against the government. Last week, we heard a speech from Republican leader Bobby… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“We convince ourselves that even our shameless waste, our unchecked consumption and our appalling ignorance of anyplace in the world except our… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“New Rule: It's okay for the president to play ball in the house. It's easy to judge and say this scene detracts… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
A lot of people say they are dyslexic; some have to realize that they are just stupid. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I saw this anti-drug commercial that showed a kid smoking pot in his dad`s room with his friend. This kid finds a gun, the… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
To all conservative women out there: If you are so sure the embryo needed for stem cell research are precious human life that can't… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
You see, the difference is the Republicans' hatred of Obama is based on a paranoid feeling about what he might do, what he's thinking,… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
New Rule: There is no devil, so stop blaming your screw-ups on him. Last week, one of the biggest evangelical leaders in America, the… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
If we were a dog and God owned us, the cops would come and take us away. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“New Rule: The White House doesn't have to release the dead Bin Laden photos, but don't pretend we can't take it. We've seen pictures… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I don't hate America. I love America. I want it to be better. The only way we can get it to be better is… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“New Rule: Americans must realize what makes NFL football so great: socialism. That's right, the NFL takes money from the rich teams and gives… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
