Between trying to impeach Bill Clinton, Florida 2000, and the recall in California, I'm beginning to think that Republicans will do anything… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
There's more attention paid to entertainers than ever and less that they have to say. Not that entertainers were ever a great… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
New Rule: I don't give two fingleberries and a McShit-all that Dumbledore is gay. I never wanted to know who Dumbledore was… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Ronald Reagan came from show business. His idea of how the government should help the homeless was like your agent. "We'll try… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
What is it with conservatives? Seriously, I'm not trying to be partisan but it seems like if they're anti-illegal alien, they have… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Next week John Boehner will be sitting behind Barack Obama at the State of the Union address. I think Obama should purposely… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Why is Mitt Romney not bragging: 'I covered all these people'? Why can't the Democrats sell the idea, we're trying to make… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I said something recently about how the president [Barak Obama] should stop trying to placate the crazies and the right wing and… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
New Rule: Food companies must face the facts: One container equals one serving. Look, we’re Americans, and that means once we open… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Also, in the category of 'obvious but still shocking,' an animal called a 'killer whale' killed someone who was trying to play… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Trying to get today's Republicans to accept basic facts is like trying to get your dog to take a pill. You have… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I doubt anything will really come of this lawsuit. First of all, it's a lawsuit. It involves a subpoena. And try to… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Guns aren't just a tool of last resort. They're awesome. That's why people stroke them. And name them, and take pictures with… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Osama bin Laden put out a new video. The timing of this video has some people upset, three days before we vote.… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I mean, maybe one day we will live in a more optimum world where terrorists come in every color of the rainbow.… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
You want to spend your millions on a worthless cause? Try donating it to the Democrats. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
To me, being brave is an element that is so important with stand-up comedy. It's not essential. There are many comics who… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Dealing w/ Hamas is like dealing w/ a crazy woman who’s trying to kill u – u can only hold her wrists… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
We take one group of people and we demonize them. Trying to turn people against our Muslim friend and neighbors. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Death is the monster we all fear, yet with each day, we walk toward it, and can't help doing so; we can't… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Is it like gay men go into the priesthood because they figure, Well, this'll solve my problem. I can't be a homosexual… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Don't call me when you're stuck in traffic. It's not my fault that radio sucks and did it ever occur to you… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
New Rule: If an Evangelical tries to use Halloween to pimp Jesus to kids, they get to egg his house. On Halloween,… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
How come regional pandering only works in one direction, right? You never see a Southern politician trying to win votes in New… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
We're always on a tightrope. We're trying to put together people who don't make sense to be together, talking about issues that… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
A lot of people say they are dyslexic; some have to realize that they are just stupid. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I saw this anti-drug commercial that showed a kid smoking pot in his dad`s room with his friend. This kid finds a gun, the… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
To all conservative women out there: If you are so sure the embryo needed for stem cell research are precious human life that can't… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
You see, the difference is the Republicans' hatred of Obama is based on a paranoid feeling about what he might do, what he's thinking,… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
New Rule: There is no devil, so stop blaming your screw-ups on him. Last week, one of the biggest evangelical leaders in America, the… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
If we were a dog and God owned us, the cops would come and take us away. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“New Rule: The White House doesn't have to release the dead Bin Laden photos, but don't pretend we can't take it. We've seen pictures… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I don't hate America. I love America. I want it to be better. The only way we can get it to be better is… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“New Rule: Americans must realize what makes NFL football so great: socialism. That's right, the NFL takes money from the rich teams and gives… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
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