Over the last 30 odd years, Democrats have moved to the right and the right has moved into the mental hospital. So… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I was just at the newly opened Creationist Museum in Kentucky.... And they have this exhibit of a giant dinosaur...with a saddle… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I always wanted to be a comedian, even when I was a little kid. I had a funny father who was in… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I was brought up Catholic and we show my mom, my mother, my sister and then I take pains to explain on… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Please stop assuming that longevity and perfect health is always the correct option. No. Sometimes fun costs ya. It just does, you… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Why are we working so hard to preserve Iraq, a fake country to begin with? Why do we care whether this fake… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Rick Santorum said this week that his 12-year-old could out-reason me about God. Look, I am not about to debate a home-schooled… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Even somebody like Bill Clinton, who I happen to admire very much, the second he was out of office, I remember, he… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
It's a good time to say "Oh" and take stock and say, "Gee, how was I ethically this year?" That's the problem… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Republicans don't have to accept evolution, economics, climatology, or human sexuality, but I just watched a week of their national convention, and… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I see they found out the universe is 80 million years older than we thought. It's also been lying about its weight. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
We've created over 200,000 jobs every month this year. Hasn't happened in 17 years. I guess my first question is, when do… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Karl Rove thinks we shouldn’t have Hillary Clinton in the White House because she fell and hit her head a couple years… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
A new biography came out that says that in high school Obama was a huge pothead … Mitt Romney had to respond… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
They are having a panel look into the intelligence failures in Iraq. It is a seven-person panel and it will include Senator… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I get the Playboy thing a lot. People assume I go out with bimbos. I couldn`t go out with bimbos if I… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
It would be kind of a tragedy if we got to the end of four years of Democratic rule without having really… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
All I'm saying, as a fan, is I'm tired of the same song for 30 years. Can't we change the message a… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
People who don't like you almost never come up to you. That's a lot of years of saying things that I know… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
The media is all over this Oui interview that Arnold did 25 years ago. Now, he's admitted he smoked pot, had group… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Well, I hate to tell youbut if you have a flu shot for more than five years in a row, there's ten… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
You can’t be a rational person six days a week and on one day of the week, go to a building, and… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
It's that time of year again, April 15, taxes. I know it's depressing, but just remember, you're paying for roads, bridges, hospitals,… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I said I didn't respect religion... and anyone who believes in fairy tales to answer questions that we can't answer... So I… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
At some point in the last 20 years, the left moved to the center, and the right moved into a mental institution. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Catholicism has changed tremendously in recent years. Now when Communion is served there is also a salad bar. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Based on every statement I’ve heard out of any Republican in the last two years, the Israelis are controlling our government. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
The worst years of my life were the first two years I was doing standup. You're learning how to do, and you're… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Republicans say that sex is bad, because with them it always is. It is!...I'm sorry, but they're just doughy, asexual, wonky, white… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
It's been over a year since they've graduated, but neither of the Bush twins have found any work. Why don't they sign… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
New Rule: If you can force a woman to look at a sonogram—to see what will happen if she has an abortion—you… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
A lot of people say they are dyslexic; some have to realize that they are just stupid. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I saw this anti-drug commercial that showed a kid smoking pot in his dad`s room with his friend. This kid finds a gun, the… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
To all conservative women out there: If you are so sure the embryo needed for stem cell research are precious human life that can't… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
You see, the difference is the Republicans' hatred of Obama is based on a paranoid feeling about what he might do, what he's thinking,… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
New Rule: There is no devil, so stop blaming your screw-ups on him. Last week, one of the biggest evangelical leaders in America, the… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
If we were a dog and God owned us, the cops would come and take us away. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“New Rule: The White House doesn't have to release the dead Bin Laden photos, but don't pretend we can't take it. We've seen pictures… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I don't hate America. I love America. I want it to be better. The only way we can get it to be better is… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“New Rule: Americans must realize what makes NFL football so great: socialism. That's right, the NFL takes money from the rich teams and gives… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
