Years Quotes by Bill Maher

When I was 5-years-old, I knew who Khrushchev was.

— Bill Maher

We've created over 200,000 jobs every month this year. Hasn't happened in 17 years. I guess my first question is, when do…

— Bill Maher

Based on every statement I’ve heard out of any Republican in the last two years, the Israelis are controlling our government.

— Bill Maher

Catholicism has changed tremendously in recent years. Now when Communion is served there is also a salad bar.

— Bill Maher

Rick Santorum said this week that his 12-year-old could out-reason me about God. Look, I am not about to debate a home-schooled…

— Bill Maher

I see they found out the universe is 80 million years older than we thought. It's also been lying about its weight.

— Bill Maher

It would be kind of a tragedy if we got to the end of four years of Democratic rule without having really…

— Bill Maher

Well, I hate to tell youbut if you have a flu shot for more than five years in a row, there's ten…

— Bill Maher

Why are we working so hard to preserve Iraq, a fake country to begin with? Why do we care whether this fake…

— Bill Maher

I was just at the newly opened Creationist Museum in Kentucky… And they have this exhibit of a giant dinosaur...with a saddle…

— Bill Maher

Karl Rove thinks we shouldn’t have Hillary Clinton in the White House because she fell and hit her head a couple years…

— Bill Maher

The worst years of my life were the first two years I was doing standup. You're learning how to do, and you're…

— Bill Maher

You can’t be a rational person six days a week and on one day of the week, go to a building, and…

— Bill Maher

Republicans say that sex is bad, because with them it always is. It is!...I'm sorry, but they're just doughy, asexual, wonky, white…

— Bill Maher

A new biography came out that says that in high school Obama was a huge pothead … Mitt Romney had to respond…

— Bill Maher

I always wanted to be a comedian, even when I was a little kid. I had a funny father who was in…

— Bill Maher

The media is all over this Oui interview that Arnold did 25 years ago. Now, he's admitted he smoked pot, had group…

— Bill Maher

New Rule: If you can force a woman to look at a sonogram—to see what will happen if she has an abortion—you…

— Bill Maher

It's a good time to say "Oh" and take stock and say, "Gee, how was I ethically this year?" That's the problem…

— Bill Maher

Republicans don't have to accept evolution, economics, climatology, or human sexuality, but I just watched a week of their national convention, and…

— Bill Maher

Over the last 30 odd years, Democrats have moved to the right and the right has moved into the mental hospital. So…

— Bill Maher

I was brought up Catholic and we show my mom, my mother, my sister and then I take pains to explain on…

— Bill Maher

At some point in the last 20 years, the left moved to the center, and the right moved into a mental institution.

— Bill Maher

I said I didn't respect religion... and anyone who believes in fairy tales to answer questions that we can't answer... So I…

— Bill Maher

Please stop assuming that longevity and perfect health is always the correct option. No. Sometimes fun costs ya. It just does, you…

— Bill Maher

Even somebody like Bill Clinton, who I happen to admire very much, the second he was out of office, I remember, he…

— Bill Maher

It's that time of year again, April 15, taxes. I know it's depressing, but just remember, you're paying for roads, bridges, hospitals,…

— Bill Maher

I get the Playboy thing a lot. People assume I go out with bimbos. I couldn't go out with bimbos if I…

— Bill Maher

People who don't like you almost never come up to you. That's a lot of years of saying things that I know…

— Bill Maher

All I'm saying, as a fan, is I'm tired of the same song for 30 years. Can't we change the message a…

— Bill Maher

They are having a panel look into the intelligence failures in Iraq. It is a seven-person panel and it will include Senator…

— Bill Maher

It's been over a year since they've graduated, but neither of the Bush twins have found any work. Why don't they sign…

— Bill Maher