Beach Quote by Jay Leno

They had a profile of John Kerry on the news and they said his first wife was worth around $300 million and his second…

— Jay Leno

John Kerry said today that he wants to get rid of tax cuts for the rich and his wife said, 'Hey, shut up! What's…

— Jay Leno

If John Kerry had a dollar for every time he bragged about serving in Vietnam - oh wait, he does.

— Ann Coulter

There was an embarrassing moment at a recent Democratic fundraiser. When John Kerry was handed a $10 million dollar check, he said, 'I do.'

— Craig Kilborn

John Kerry is busy trying to raise money right now for his campaign. It was reported today that Kerry's hoping to raise $80 million…

— Conan O'Brien

John Kerry accused President Bush of catering to the rich. You know, as opposed to John Kerry who just marries them.

— Jay Leno

George Bush says what John Kerry did was noble. Yet he sees him being savaged by his own supporters.

— Mark Shields

They say John Kerry is the first Democratic presidential candidate in history to raise $50 million in a three-month period. Actually, that's nothing. He…

— Jay Leno

John Kerry believes in an America where hard work is rewarded.

— Barack Obama

President Bush listed his income as $822,000. You know what John Kerry calls someone who earns $822,000? Not even worth dating.

— Jay Leno

...one is reminded that [John Kerry, D-MA] really just a better-looking Ted Kennedy, a richer Michael Dukakis.

— Laura Ingraham

GOP strategists hope the revelation of Kerry's wealth might debunk his status as a, quote, man of the people, and reveal him to be…

— Jon Stewart