States Quotes by David Letterman

Political pundits are saying President George W. Bush has made gains in two key states: dazed and confused.

— David Letterman

President Bush says he now wants to simplify the tax code. Only those in the blue states will pay.

— David Letterman

People say we need royalty. We have royalty in the United States - the Kardashians.

— David Letterman

Ted Cruz could be president of the United States. If you thought the Secret Service was drinking before

— David Letterman

Our guest tonight is Michelle Obama, first lady of the United States. She's here to announce her run for president.

— David Letterman

North Korean dictator Kim Jung Il may be stepping down. Yeah, experts in the State Department say he could be replaced by…

— David Letterman

And now the really difficult part: We have to rebuild Iraq into a strong and independent nation that will one day hate…

— David Letterman

The United States has launched airstrikes against ISIS. It's being called 'Operation Approval Ratings.'

— David Letterman

President Bush insisted that there was nothing in the August 6th, 2001 briefing, which was titled 'Bin Laden determined to attack the…

— David Letterman

Texas Senator Ted Cruz announced he is running for president. Ted Cruz was born in Canada, his father fled to the United…

— David Letterman

Barack Obama is putting his team together to take over the Administration. So far, he's got his mother-in-law, who is going to…

— David Letterman

Donald Trump had a university. Well, the state attorney general decided that the Donald Trump University was an unlicensed sham. And I…

— David Letterman

You know, Barack Obama the last ten days was traveling overseas campaigning in Europe and everywhere. It was so successful, campaigning abroad,…

— David Letterman

There's some kind of a thing where when she was Secretary of State she was using her own e-mail instead of the…

— David Letterman

Donald Trump may be running for president. He said he is sick and tired of the rest of the world laughing at…

— David Letterman

Congratulations to Ohio State, your new college football champions. Coach Urban Meyer may be the greatest football coach of all time. Don't…

— David Letterman

Former governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin, is promoting her new book and she's going to appear on the Oprah Winfrey Show. Sarah…

— David Letterman

Illinois is the only state where the present governor rides around in a car whose license plate was made by a previous…

— David Letterman

You probably heard about the big prisoner swap with Cuba. A man who has been incarcerated in Havana for five years is…

— David Letterman

I was talking to a friend about Santorum. He said, 'For all my years in the State Department, I know one thing.…

— David Letterman

Don't kid yourself. Global warming is no joke. Here's how serious global warming has gotten to be in the United States. In…

— David Letterman

Today is Veterans Day. Thank you to all our men and women who have served the United States armed forces. In honor…

— David Letterman

Did you folks see President Bush's State of the Union Address? How about that surprise announcement? Howard Dean has been captured and…

— David Letterman

Hillary Clinton, our junior senator from New York, announced that she has no intentions of ever, ever running for office of the…

— David Letterman

Last night the United States dropped four 2,000 pound bombs on Saddam Hussein. I don't know anything about explosives, but, my God,…

— David Letterman