Inspirational Quotes by David Letterman

25 Inspirational quotes by David Letterman

All Inspirational quotes David Letterman’s page

Letterman’s humor often carried a surprisingly earnest undercurrent. These 25 quick‑fire remarks blend his signature sarcasm with genuine pep talks, making them a fun boost for anyone needing a smile and a nudge.

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Midnight, and the kitties are sleeping.

David Letterman

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Don't worry. It's just a flesh wound.

David Letterman

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Has the mathematical abilities of a Clydesdale.

David Letterman

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This isn't brain surgery; it's just television.

David Letterman

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Lesbians have never been more popular.

David Letterman

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Them bats is smart. They use radar!

David Letterman

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I got my lips chewed off by a dingo!

David Letterman

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There just isn't enough televised Chess

David Letterman

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If I can be serious now, and I have the feeling I can.

David Letterman

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My retirement plan was in place but Bernie Maidoff with my money.

David Letterman

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I'm a wiseass and a smartass, and I always have been.

David Letterman

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Let's stop for a moment to admire the rotating pies.

David Letterman

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Childhood. I wish I had something to complain about.

David Letterman

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I'd do a podcast about guys wearing shorts when it's too cold.

David Letterman

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If it wasn't for coffee, I'd have no discernible personality at all.

David Letterman

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Newt Gingrich is against same-sex marriage. Well, actually, he's against same-marriage sex.

David Letterman

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People say New Yorkers can't get along. Not true. I saw two New Yorkers, complete strangers, sharing a cab. One guy took…

David Letterman

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They're saying now that Rick Santorum is gaining momentum because he's not Romney. And Mitt Romney was furious. He replied, 'Well, I…

David Letterman

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America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing…

David Letterman

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Airport screeners are now scanning holiday fruitcakes. Not even the scanners can tell what those little red things are.

David Letterman

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Over the weekend Mitt Romney went body surfing. He has not body surfed since the '90s when he starred on 'Baywatch.'

David Letterman

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I went to the beach a couple of times in New York City. Tough summer out there, but I was pretty excited.…

David Letterman

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Everyday is a compromise.

David Letterman

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I like my cinema gritty, I like my eggs gritty.

David Letterman

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I spend most of my free time under the house.

David Letterman

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Two things you need to know about taxes. They've extended the deadline to April 18, and when you write your check, just make it…

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You know Kim Jong Un, the evil dictator of North Korea? Apparently, a guy in his inner circle used his ashtray while smoking and…

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It's the first day of spring. That means this weekend I'll take down my Christmas lights.

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There are a lot of New York City Thanksgiving traditions. For example, a lot of New Yorkers don't buy the frozen Thanksgiving turkey. They…

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I can hardly wait until Donald Trump announces his celebrity cabinet.

David Letterman

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Experts say this global warming is serious, and they are predicting now that by the year 2050, we will be out of party ice.

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We make a lot of fun at President Clinton's expense. But this transition is going to be tough because it's been 25 years since…

David Letterman

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I'm worried about John Kerry, he's so confident now that he's already planning his White House sex scandal.

David Letterman

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“There is no off position on the genius”

David Letterman

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I vote Democrat because I'm way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to…

David Letterman

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Do I think there is a heaven? Uh, yeah I do. Like a really big gymnasium. How do I see myself there? With really…

David Letterman

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If it wasn't for coffee, I'd have no discernible personality at all.

David Letterman

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Well, we're just a couple of weeks from new President Barack Obama being sworn in. And he's been very busy naming a lot of…

David Letterman

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Sometimes when you look in his eyes you get the feeling that someone else is driving.

David Letterman

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Prince William and Kate Middleton are in New York City. We have got to do something about immigration.

David Letterman

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