I could be the Greta Garbo of comedy, very secluded, but Garbo had a man who was beyond rich to support her. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
My mother was a very elegant woman. When a flying saucer landed on the lawn, she turned it over to see if… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Comedy is learning to be funny, and you learn to be funny in small rooms with young audiences. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Your anger can be 49 percent and your comedy 51 percent, and you're okay. If the anger is 51 percent, the comedy is gone. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Comedy exists to laugh at things that aren't laughable. But isn't it? That's what separates us from the animals. We laugh. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny. And when you're very, very happy, you're not very funny. You're just happy.… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Welcome to my world! I've been through it all, and I often pinch myself to believe my luck. I design jewlery, create… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Russell Brand has announced that he plans to write a series of children's books. First up: 'Horton Hears a Heroin Dealer.' — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
God always comes up with a third act twist -- and we won't know until we die whether the play was a… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I hate housework. You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I felt a comedy ego beginning to grow, which gave me the courage to begin tentatively looking into myself for material. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I've learned what's funny verbally ain't so funny on e-mail: They don't hear your intonations. Melissa broke up with somebody over that.… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
But you do have to learn, if you want to be a satirist, you can't be part of the party. Meaning, you… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I truly think comedy is - being funny is DNA. My dad was a doctor, a wonderful doctor, and people still come… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I didn't want to do 'Fashion Police' because I thought, 'This is stupid, this is beneath me, who wants to talk about fashion?' It… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
All my way through college, I worked my way as a window dresser for Lord & Taylor, so I always liked fashion. I always… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Everyone thinks Angelina Jolie was the first celebrity baby hoarder, but she wasn't. Before Angelina there was Mia Farrow. Mia had an entire farm… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I have no sex appeal, which kills me. The only way I can ever hear heavy breathing from my husband's side of the bed… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
If you hate something, you hate it, and if you like something or somebody, you like it, but tell the truth. And most celebrities… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I know now that everybody in the arts is forever a beginner. Experience counts for a great deal and very little. Every night onstage… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
My breasts are so low now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I love Vines. You make this 6.4-second drama, and you can reach 6 million viewer, and make people laugh. I find it so fabulous. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
