I want to be buried in a Valentino gown and I want Harry Winston to make me a toe tag. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I could stop and live carefully but that's ridiculous. I don't want to live carefully. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I didn't want to do 'Fashion Police' because I thought, 'This is stupid, this is beneath me, who wants to talk about… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done. You can tune me out, you can click me… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Nobody wants to hear that you met Harry Truman... I met Harry Truman... But you know what I mean? Nobody's interested. They… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Show business is - you're there by somebody's fluke. And as long as somebody likes you, and the show is going well,… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I hate McDonald's. I don't want to order my dinner by yelling into a clown's mouth. If I want my face in… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
But you do have to learn, if you want to be a satirist, you can't be part of the party. Meaning, you… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don't… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I could pull my living in and live OK, but I don't want to live OK. I'm very happy to live in… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
My eyes opened, and the first thing I thought of when I could put thoughts together was I want to be in… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I'm going out with these old guys. One guy gave me a hickey and left his teeth in my neck. Another man,… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Whatever you do to recover from a loss, people will be critical because they believe that the only way to recover is… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Both of my parents got to see me host Carson, thank God. That's all anyone wants: to have their parents see they're… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
If two people want to get married, get married! The Victorians had a great saying: As long as it doesn't scare the… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I would not want to live if I could not perform. It's in my will. I am not to be revived unless… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
All Angelina Jolie wants to do is do good for people. And she was saying to me: If I could just make… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I said to my husband, 'Why don't you call out my name when we're making love?' He said, 'I don't want to… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Florida wants to change the state's motto to attract younger people. They're thinking about: More than just a great place to die. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I saw what's going on under my chin. I don't want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done You can tune me out, you can click me… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I didn't want to do 'Fashion Police' because I thought, 'This is stupid, this is beneath me, who wants to talk about fashion?' It… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
All my way through college, I worked my way as a window dresser for Lord & Taylor, so I always liked fashion. I always… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Everyone thinks Angelina Jolie was the first celebrity baby hoarder, but she wasn't. Before Angelina there was Mia Farrow. Mia had an entire farm… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I have no sex appeal, which kills me. The only way I can ever hear heavy breathing from my husband's side of the bed… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
If you hate something, you hate it, and if you like something or somebody, you like it, but tell the truth. And most celebrities… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I know now that everybody in the arts is forever a beginner. Experience counts for a great deal and very little. Every night onstage… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
My breasts are so low now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I love Vines. You make this 6.4-second drama, and you can reach 6 million viewer, and make people laugh. I find it so fabulous. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
