Sex Quotes by Joan Rivers

Better laid than never.

— Joan Rivers

Two is company; three is fifty bucks.

— Joan Rivers

It's been so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up whom.

— Joan Rivers

My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark.

— Joan Rivers

I have no sex appeal. If my husband didn't toss and turn, we'd never have had any kids.

— Joan Rivers

My sex life has gone from bad to pathetic. My G spot stands for godforsaken.

— Joan Rivers

I'll lie still for a lot of things - but sex isn't one of them.

— Joan Rivers

I have no sex appeal; if my husband didn't toss and turn, we'd never have had the kid.

— Joan Rivers

I have so little sex appeal that my gynecologist calls me 'sir'.

— Joan Rivers

It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.

— Joan Rivers

I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, 'the man goes on top and the woman…

— Joan Rivers

I have no sex appeal, which kills me. The only way I can ever hear heavy breathing from my husband's side of…

— Joan Rivers

Now, I'm not against sex before marriage, but two minutes before? When the organist played "Here Comes the Bride"...

— Joan Rivers

I have no sex appeal and it has screwed me up for life; my gynecologist examines me by telephone.

— Joan Rivers

As a wedding gift, Ray J gave Kim Kardashian his profits from their sex tape. It's 'Something Old' as well as 'Something…

— Joan Rivers

The nice thing about Viagra is that they are proving men can go blind on it, so you can gain weight and…

— Joan Rivers

Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer. I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told…

— Joan Rivers

That girl had a great way of making friends, and strangers, and anyone else who was around.

— Joan Rivers

I'm telling you that at eight she knew more about reproduction than Xerox.

— Joan Rivers