Inspirational Quotes by Joan Rivers

Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It's all funny.

— Joan Rivers

Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it's happening.

— Joan Rivers

Looking 50 is great, if you're 60.

— Joan Rivers

On the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.

— Joan Rivers

You know you're getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don't know anyone who can see through it.

— Joan Rivers

Anyone that says looks don't count is lying.

— Joan Rivers

With this face, I need all the deals I can get.

— Joan Rivers

I now consider it a good day when I don't step on my boobs.

— Joan Rivers

Never admit that your back goes out more than you do

— Joan Rivers

I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.

— Joan Rivers

Better laid than never.

— Joan Rivers

Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.

— Joan Rivers

Happiness, at my age, is breathing

— Joan Rivers

What we do is a calling...we make people happy

— Joan Rivers

When you can laugh at yourself no one can ever make a fool of you.

— Joan Rivers

I'm racist? How can that even be possible? I was a friend of Michael Jackson's back when he was black.

— Joan Rivers

I think it's time they knew the truth about Beethoven.

— Joan Rivers

The Palestinians cannot throw rockets and expect people not to defend themselves

— Joan Rivers

Don’t worry about the money. Love the process.

— Joan Rivers

You know you're getting old when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.

— Joan Rivers

I was born in 1962 and the room next to me was 1963.

— Joan Rivers

Never floss a stranger.

— Joan Rivers

I can't wear yellow anymore. It's too matchy-matchy with my catheter.

— Joan Rivers

If you can't make fun of yourself, you don't have any right to make fun of others

— Joan Rivers

I once dated a guy so dumb he could not count to 21 unless he was naked

— Joan Rivers