Age Quotes by Joan Rivers

old age' is always ten years more than we are.

— Joan Rivers

Looking 50 is great, if you're 60.

— Joan Rivers

At my age an affair of the heart is a bypass!

— Joan Rivers

We all mourn in our own way. I mourn with a great steak.

— Joan Rivers

Happiness, at my age, is breathing

— Joan Rivers

Age - it's the one mountain you can't overcome.

— Joan Rivers

keep moving. It's hard for old age to hit a moving target.

— Joan Rivers

When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three…

— Joan Rivers

With age comes wisdom. You don't need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace.

— Joan Rivers

Sold my house in LA, packed myself up and moved to New York, not knowing anybody. Friends are very hard to make…

— Joan Rivers

At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.

— Joan Rivers

Valentine's Day is different for old people. At this age I receive chocolates in boxes shaped like artificial hearts.

— Joan Rivers

The only way I can get a man to touch me at this age is plastic surgery.

— Joan Rivers

I can't wear yellow anymore. It's too matchy-matchy with my catheter.

— Joan Rivers

I've had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.

— Joan Rivers

I've learned what's funny verbally ain't so funny on e-mail: They don't hear your intonations. Melissa broke up with somebody over that.…

— Joan Rivers

I think we all in comedi business, especially when we reach a certain age, are divas up to a point. I love…

— Joan Rivers

Every comedian is furious. Age makes me angry. I'm unhappy at not being able to open packages anymore. I'm angry that libraries…

— Joan Rivers

I saw what's going on under my chin. I don't want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.

— Joan Rivers

My breasts are so low now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time.

— Joan Rivers

My father was a doctor so I was around death all my life. So, I was very used to it because he…

— Joan Rivers

How to fool yourself into feeling younger: When you go to restaurants, always check a coat and a skateboard.

— Joan Rivers

The fashion magazines are suggesting that women wear clothes that are 'age appropriate.' For me that would be a shroud.

— Joan Rivers

You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.

— Joan Rivers

You know you've reached middle age when you're cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.

— Joan Rivers