Comedy is learning to be funny, and you learn to be funny in small rooms with young audiences. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I've learned you don't always listen to your agents and managers. Sometimes they know nothing. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I never dwell on what happened. You can't change it. Move forward. Don't waste your energy on being angry at something that… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
You've gotta understand - when you interview someone, it's not an interrogation. It's not the Nuremberg Trials. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
When you whisper about something, it's too big, and you can't get it under control and take control of it. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
You hear things about certain people. When you hear someone was mean to a limo driver or a wardrobe lady, or someone… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Show business is - you're there by somebody's fluke. And as long as somebody likes you, and the show is going well,… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Your child is never not your child. You can be 90 and your mother 120, but your mother is still worried about you. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Nobody wants to hear that you met Harry Truman... I met Harry Truman... But you know what I mean? Nobody's interested. They… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I just get such a connection from an audience. You play with them. I get mad at them. I yell at them.… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I walk on a stage, and I know if it's been a good show or not. You know when it's been a… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
With plastic surgery, the general anesthetic is like a black-velvety sleep, and that's what death is - without waking up to someone… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I had a friend who was a plastic surgeon, so he would do little things. I never had, like, a full thing.… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Sure I do a lot of jokes about Anne Frank. But when you do those jokes, it makes people remember what happened… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I love Vines. You make this 6.4-second drama, and you can reach 6 million viewer, and make people laugh. I find it… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I do a lot of lectures on survival. I always say you can't change what happened, so have a little wallow, feel… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
You can find my book at your favorite bookstore, and if it isn't there, find a new favorite. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Part of my act is meant to shake you up. It looks like I'm being funny, but I'm reminding you of other… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I truly think comedy is - being funny is DNA. My dad was a doctor, a wonderful doctor, and people still come… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I didn't want to do 'Fashion Police' because I thought, 'This is stupid, this is beneath me, who wants to talk about fashion?' It… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
All my way through college, I worked my way as a window dresser for Lord & Taylor, so I always liked fashion. I always… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Everyone thinks Angelina Jolie was the first celebrity baby hoarder, but she wasn't. Before Angelina there was Mia Farrow. Mia had an entire farm… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I have no sex appeal, which kills me. The only way I can ever hear heavy breathing from my husband's side of the bed… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
If you hate something, you hate it, and if you like something or somebody, you like it, but tell the truth. And most celebrities… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I know now that everybody in the arts is forever a beginner. Experience counts for a great deal and very little. Every night onstage… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
My breasts are so low now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I love Vines. You make this 6.4-second drama, and you can reach 6 million viewer, and make people laugh. I find it so fabulous. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
