All business is capitalistic. You require capital for any sort of business endeavour. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
If you think health care is expensive now, just wait 'til it's free. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The bar is set pretty low if you want to be a hip, accessible conservative. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
One nice thing about making jokes is that you don't have to prove them. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
You've got to understand, people are motivated by fun. And they should be. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
One of the few benefits of being a journalist is that you're not in the Army. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Richard Nixon was the best thing that ever happened to journalism. I mean this guy was wonderful. Just when you thought he… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The most brilliant satire of all time was 'A Modest Proposal' by Jonathan Swift. You'll notice how everything got straightened out in… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Thank you, Occupy Wall Street. With your vivid example of anticapitalist squalor, I've been able to convince all three of my children… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Accuse a person of breaking all Ten Commandments, and you've written the promo blurb for the dust cover of his tell-all memoir. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Everybody with a gun has a checkpoint in Lebanon. And in Lebanon, you'd be crazy not to have a gun. Though, I… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Teasing and a sense of humor, if you can develop that in your kids, and if you can exercise it with the… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The Afghans themselves say that if you put two Afghans in a room, you get three factions. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
'You're stupid,' is not something even his most severe critics usually say to President Barack Obama. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
We have the British motor industry as a role model for what happens when you try to save an industrial dinosaur. Britain… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
There is a simple rule here, a rule of legislation, a rule of business, a rule of life: beyond a certain point,… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Being a humorist is not a voluntary thing. You can tell this because in a situation where saying a funny thing will… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Cars let us out of the barn and, while they were at it, destroyed the American nuclear family. As anyone who has… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Like most sensible people, you probably lost interest in modern art about the time that Julian Schnabel was painting broken pieces of… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The only advantage to being a middle-aged man is that when you put on a jacket and tie, you're the Scary Dad.… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
If you talk to most businessmen, they'll say that what they do is for the public good, but you know they're just… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Some day you will be wheeled in for a heart bypass operation, and a surgeon will be the person who is now… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Wealth is not a pizza, where if I have too many slices you have to eat the Domino's box. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Once you've built the big machinery of political power, remember you won't always be the one to run it. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Politicians will talk strategy and tactics and policies and programs until they're blue in the face, or you strangle them and they… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
You're not a baby boomer if you don't have a visceral recollection of a Kennedy and a King assassination, a Beatles breakup,… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Detroit is beautiful - though you probably have to be a child of the industrial Midwest, like me, to see it. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
If you want to join the Republican party, they have to let you in. There's nothing they can do about it. I… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
When you're a war correspondent, the reader is for you because the reader is saying, 'Gee, I wouldn't want to be doing… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Not much was really invented during the Renaissance, if you don't count modern civilization. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
There are selves too big for one person to contain. You cannot call them selfish. There is nothing -ish about such selves.… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Call a man 'ignorant,' and you have license to show the world your vast fund of knowledge and wise him up. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
A penny will not buy a penny postcard or a penny whistle or a single piece of penny candy. It will not… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Are you a Democrat because you're a union member? Then why, after eight years of Bill Clinton, does some Chinese guy in… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Jeans fit the mature male one of two ways, both dirigible in nature. You make a public impression that's either Hindenburg or… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
You're never going to read 'The Wealth of Nations,' and you shouldn't, really. It's 900 pages. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
They are just really stupid people in Hollywood. You write them a script, and they say they love it, they absolutely love… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Pete Seeger is a modest, unassuming, cheerful, and kind-natured man. He's a good folk singer, if you can stand folk singing. And… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
In comparative terms, there's no poverty in America by a long shot. Heritage Foundation political scientist Robert Rector has worked up figures showing that… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The Democrats said, "We don't know what's wrong with America, but we can fix it." The Republicans said, "There's nothing wrong with America, and… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
At Epcot Center the Disney corporation has focused its attention on two things greatly in need of Disneyfication: the tedious future and the annoying… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
So-called Western Civilization, as practised in half of Europe, some of Asia and a few parts of North America, is better than anything else… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
My whole family can talk. They are all car salesmen. They are all funny. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
It was Ronald Reagan who used to say that the 10 most frightening words in the English language are, "I'm from the federal government,… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Gun violence has cost us too many political leaders, and hardly ever the worst ones. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Pete Seeger is a modest, unassuming, cheerful, and kind-natured man. He's a good folk singer, if you can stand folk singing. And he's such… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Journalists are notoriously easy to kid. All you have to do is speak to a journalist in a very serious tone of voice, and… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a 'learning experience.' Then again, I like to think of anything stupid I've… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I'll be 56 this year, I've got two kids, and I think it's probably time to go back to writing one-glove jokes. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
