If you want to join the Republican party, they have to let you in. There's nothing they can do about it. I… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
You can't destroy America by destroying our elite. Think about America's elite. Think about it down through history. Destroy our elite, and… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Some people have facts; these can be proven. Some people have theories; these can be disproven. But people with opinions are mindless… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Like most sensible people, you probably lost interest in modern art about the time that Julian Schnabel was painting broken pieces of… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I think that humor has become a principle means of communication among Americans about politics. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
There are selves too big for one person to contain. You cannot call them selfish. There is nothing -ish about such selves.… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Health care's not about insurance! Health care's about getting treatment. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Politics is - once in a while - a forum for serious debate about political philosophy. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Something that confirms all fears and many conspiracy theories about government is finding out what our elected representatives would put into law… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The Bible is very clear about one thing: Using politics to create fairness is a sin. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Gossip is what you say about the objects of flattery when they aren't present. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
My generation of Americans was the first to really care about racism and sexism, not to mention the I Ching, plus, of… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I don't think anybody's really been successful with theorizing about value or creating a price theory. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
One nice thing about making jokes is that you don't have to prove them. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Children must be considered in a divorce considered valuable pawns in the nasty legal and financial contest that is about to ensue. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
If you spend 72 hours in a place you've never been, talking to people whose language you don't speak about social, political,… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Tel Aviv is new, built on the sand dunes north of Jaffa in the 1890s, about the same time Miami was founded.… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I've never been able to get it straight about what these people who are worried about the trade deficit are worried about. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
What is obnoxious about the motives of politicians - whatever those motives may be - is that politicians must announce their motives… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Jimmy Carter was - he still - he remains to this day America's most ex of ex-presidents. You just can't believe that… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I like to have interesting things to write about. And when one says something is 'interesting,' one almost always means 'bad.' — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
In comparative terms, there's no poverty in America by a long shot. Heritage Foundation political scientist Robert Rector has worked up figures showing that… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The Democrats said, "We don't know what's wrong with America, but we can fix it." The Republicans said, "There's nothing wrong with America, and… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
At Epcot Center the Disney corporation has focused its attention on two things greatly in need of Disneyfication: the tedious future and the annoying… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
So-called Western Civilization, as practised in half of Europe, some of Asia and a few parts of North America, is better than anything else… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
My whole family can talk. They are all car salesmen. They are all funny. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
It was Ronald Reagan who used to say that the 10 most frightening words in the English language are, "I'm from the federal government,… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Gun violence has cost us too many political leaders, and hardly ever the worst ones. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Pete Seeger is a modest, unassuming, cheerful, and kind-natured man. He's a good folk singer, if you can stand folk singing. And he's such… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Journalists are notoriously easy to kid. All you have to do is speak to a journalist in a very serious tone of voice, and… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a 'learning experience.' Then again, I like to think of anything stupid I've… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I'll be 56 this year, I've got two kids, and I think it's probably time to go back to writing one-glove jokes. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
