[Kurt] Vonnegut once said, if you ever want to know who somebody is... Like you look at Richard Nixon, or Adolf Hitler,… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
If I do, I say so. That's the only way out of that. If there are three words that need to be… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
If we want the whole world to be rich, we need to start loving wealth. In the difference between poverty and plenty,… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
You know, if government were a product, selling it would be illegal. Government is a health hazard. Governments have killed many more… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
If the Japanese want to be taken seriously as world financial powers, they'd better quit using the same tailor as variety show… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Imagine if all of life were determined by majority rule. Every meal would be a pizza. Every pair of pants, even those… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I believe that Western civilization, after some disgusting glitches, has become almost civilized. I believe it is our first duty to protect… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The preamble to the Constitution states: "We, the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
In the American political system, you're only allowed to have real ideas if it's absolutely guaranteed that you can't win an election — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Even a band of angels can turn ugly and start looting if enough angels are unemployed and hanging around the Pearly Gates… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
If the dollar weakens, then presumably all the things that we make in the United States - Buicks, for instance - can… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
If a journalist shows a facility for praise he's liable to be offered a job in public relations or advertising and the… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The Russians could have some (warheads) aimed at Japan, so if we act up they can destroy our economy. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
If I bring anything to the table, it's the fact that not everybody realizes they're funny. So I just point a finger. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I buy a tractor two years ago, and four-fifths of the tractor manual is about not tipping over, not raising the bucket… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
If the wind is blowing like stink and everything is working right, a twelve-meter sailboat can go eleven and a half or… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Good manners can replace morals. It may be years before anyone knows if what you are doing is right. But if what… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Bachelors know all about parties. In fact, a good bachelor is a living, breathing party all by himself. At least that is… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
If libertarianism were easy to explain, and it weren't easy to exaggerate the effects of libertarianism, I think it would have been… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
We're gonna be in a world of hurt if we don't get it fixed, because there's going to be billions of people… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
[T]he Clinton administration launched an attack on people in Texas because those people were religious nuts with guns. Hell, this country was… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I figured if I could put together being funny about stuff and actual events, maybe I could do something that wasn't being… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
If I give up drinking, smoking, and fatty foods, I can add ten years to my life. Trouble is, I'll add it… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Coffee and cigarettes are much better if you want an instant breakfast. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I've always figured that if God wanted us to go to church a lot He'd have given us bigger behinds to sit… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
In comparative terms, there's no poverty in America by a long shot. Heritage Foundation political scientist Robert Rector has worked up figures showing that… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The Democrats said, "We don't know what's wrong with America, but we can fix it." The Republicans said, "There's nothing wrong with America, and… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
At Epcot Center the Disney corporation has focused its attention on two things greatly in need of Disneyfication: the tedious future and the annoying… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
So-called Western Civilization, as practised in half of Europe, some of Asia and a few parts of North America, is better than anything else… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
My whole family can talk. They are all car salesmen. They are all funny. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
It was Ronald Reagan who used to say that the 10 most frightening words in the English language are, "I'm from the federal government,… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Gun violence has cost us too many political leaders, and hardly ever the worst ones. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Pete Seeger is a modest, unassuming, cheerful, and kind-natured man. He's a good folk singer, if you can stand folk singing. And he's such… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Journalists are notoriously easy to kid. All you have to do is speak to a journalist in a very serious tone of voice, and… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a 'learning experience.' Then again, I like to think of anything stupid I've… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I'll be 56 this year, I've got two kids, and I think it's probably time to go back to writing one-glove jokes. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
![“[Kurt] Vonnegut once said, if you ever want to know…” quote by P. J. O'Rourke](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/900/p-j-o-rourke-184_behavior_kurt-vonnegut-once-said-if-you-ever-want_97504.jpg)
![“[T]he Clinton administration launched an attack on people in Texas…” quote by P. J. O'Rourke](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/6d2/p-j-o-rourke-184_abuse_t-he-clinton-administration-launched-an_664366.jpg)
