Maybe the real secret to America's greatness is that we hate one another. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The average IQ in America is—and this can be proven mathematically—average. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
“Americans appreciate bad taste or America wouldn’t look the way America does.” — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
America's grossly unfair tax system won't lead to class war. Or, if it does, the war will be brief. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Moviemakers are rewarded with tax write-offs if, when seeking a location that looks like America, they seek it in America. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
America is not a wily, sneaky nation. We don't think that way. We don't think much at all, thank God. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Democrats hate America being a world power because world power gives power to the nation instead of to Democrats. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The people I see on bicycles look like organic-gardening zealots who advocate federal regulation of bedtime and want American foreign policy to… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
America has to act. But, when America acts, other nations accuse us of being 'hegemonistic', of engaging in 'unilateralism', of behaving as… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Americans are good at pursuing happiness. And the Americans who pursue happiness most diligently show that we're also good at running it… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I don't see evidence of America being a poorer country than it was 20 years ago. I've seen impoverished devastation. I've seen… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The Democrats said, "We don't know what's wrong with America, but we can fix it." The Republicans said, "There's nothing wrong with… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Cats are to dogs what modern people are to the people we used to have. Cats are slimmer, cleaner, more attractive, disloyal,… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The importance of local governance may not be obvious to an America accustomed to treating city and state downfalls with doses of… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
With the war in Iraq, I had the cooperation of the Department of Defense. Kuwait was pretty eager to get American journalists… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
There's a love of rhetorical skill in the Muslim world. Osama bin Laden doesn't just go on tape cassettes and say, 'America… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I have a 10 year old at home, and she is always saying, 'That's not fair.' When she says that, I say,… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
America is not a wily, sneaky nation. We don't think that way. We don't think much at all, thank God. Start thinking… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Our democracy, our culture, our whole way of life is a spectacular triumph of the blah. Why not have a political convention… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Each American embassy comes with two permanent features - a giant anti-American demonstration and a giant line for American visas. Most demonstrators… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The number of American presidential candidates varies with the sunspot cycle and the phases of the moon. Being a Republican, I'm backing… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
In comparative terms, there's no poverty in America by a long shot. Heritage Foundation political scientist Robert Rector has worked up figures… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
It is easy to understand why the cat has eclipsed the dog as modern America's favorite pet. People like pets to possess… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
So-called Western Civilization, as practised in half of Europe, some of Asia and a few parts of North America, is better than… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
This country is so urbanized we think low-fat milk comes from cows on Nutri/System weight-loss plans. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
It remains to be seen which program will cause greater societal damage: China's one-child policy or America's one-parent policy. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I don't mind America becoming a Third World country. The weather is better in the Third World than it is where I… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
America's public schools have served their purpose. Free and compulsory education was good for a somewhat unpromising young nation. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
America is the world's policeman, all right -- a big, dumb, mick flatfoot in the middle of the one thing cops dread… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
China is trying to become America without democracy while America is trying to become France without cheese calories. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Everybody in America who didn't come over the Bering Strait ice bridge stole his land from somebody else. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
In Toledo, people grow out. Out to the suburbs. Out to the parts of America where the economy is more vigorous. And… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
America wasn't founded so that we could all be better. America was founded so we could all be anything we damned well… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Politics doesn't work. Look at the parts of America where government has had the most power, where government has spent the most… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
In Israel, waves of anger and fear circulate all the time, but so do jokes and gossip and silky evening breezes. So,… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The Republican convention, an event with the intellectual content of a Guns'n'Roses lyric attended by every ofay insurance brokerin America who owns… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I covered the Lebanese civil war. I could see a place that had once been prosperous and now was impoverished. I'm not… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
In comparative terms, there's no poverty in America by a long shot. Heritage Foundation political scientist Robert Rector has worked up figures showing that… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The Democrats said, "We don't know what's wrong with America, but we can fix it." The Republicans said, "There's nothing wrong with America, and… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
At Epcot Center the Disney corporation has focused its attention on two things greatly in need of Disneyfication: the tedious future and the annoying… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
So-called Western Civilization, as practised in half of Europe, some of Asia and a few parts of North America, is better than anything else… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
My whole family can talk. They are all car salesmen. They are all funny. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
It was Ronald Reagan who used to say that the 10 most frightening words in the English language are, "I'm from the federal government,… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Gun violence has cost us too many political leaders, and hardly ever the worst ones. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Pete Seeger is a modest, unassuming, cheerful, and kind-natured man. He's a good folk singer, if you can stand folk singing. And he's such… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Journalists are notoriously easy to kid. All you have to do is speak to a journalist in a very serious tone of voice, and… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a 'learning experience.' Then again, I like to think of anything stupid I've… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I'll be 56 this year, I've got two kids, and I think it's probably time to go back to writing one-glove jokes. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
