A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and left off for the rest of your life. Nothing looks… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I suppose I should get a VCR, but the only thing I like about television is its ephemerality. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The foundation of collectivism is simple: There should be no important economic differences among people. No one should be too rich. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The weirder you're going to behave, the more normal you should look. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
You've got to understand, people are motivated by fun. And they should be. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
In theory, taxes should be like shopping. What I buy is government services. What I pay are my taxes. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
We should never hesitate to listen to a fool about life because life is pretty foolish as far as I can tell. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Some people think that welfare reform should have hurt Bill Clinton with black voters. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
We have the British motor industry as a role model for what happens when you try to save an industrial dinosaur. Britain… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
That doesn't mean that you should just sit back and just let accidents happen to you. No, you have to go out… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Every vote should carry a serial number, so that responsibility for harmful or careless use of the vote can be traced. Concealed… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The commies are the only people on earth who think Star Wars will work. If they're that gullible, maybe we should have… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Smoking is very bad for you and should only be done because it looks so good. People who don't smoke have a… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Maybe a nation that consumes as much booze and dope as we do and has our kind of divorce statistics should pipe… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
A woman should dress to attract attention. To attract the most attention, a woman should be either nude, or wearing something as… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The people I see on bicycles look like organic-gardening zealots who advocate federal regulation of bedtime and want American foreign policy to… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
If we're going to improve the environment, the first thing we should do is duck the government. The second thing we should… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Then there was communism's weak-tea sister, socialism. Socialists maintained that we shouldn't take all the money away from all the people since… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
You know, if government were a product, selling it would be illegal. ... Government contains impure ingredients - as anybody who's looked… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Some taxpayers may object to a print journalism bailout on the grounds that it mostly benefits the liberal elite. And we can't… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
When a couple decide to divorce, they should inform both sets of parents before having a party and telling all their friends.… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
As a longtime former resident of 15 years in Washington, I wish that everybody would stay off the Mall with their political… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
A pleasant natural environment is a good - a luxury good, philosophical good, a moral goody-good, a good time for all. Whatever,… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
We're told cars are wasteful. Wasteful of what? Oil did a lot of good sitting in the ground for millions of years.… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
There's a current notion that you should "take charge of your disease." No thanks. I'm busy. I've got cancer. I'm willing to… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Good manners consist of doing precisely what everyone thinks should be done, especially when no one knows quite what that is. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Soccer matches should be something special, something people eagerly look forward to, something that brightens life. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
All religious believers should be licensed to make sure that they are competent to hold opinions and viewpoints and that they don't… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Children from the age of five to ten should watch more television. Television depicts adults as rotten SOB's given to fistfights, gunplay,… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Politics should be limited in scope to ware, protection of property, and the occasional precautionary beheading of a member of the ruling… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The only really firm rule of taste about cross dressing is that neither sex should ever wear anything they haven't yet figured… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
College professors used to be badly paid and worth it. Colleges used to be modest institutions; they should go back to being… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Of course, no one wants to ban the vote. Voting should remain available for sporting and recreational purposes. But certain types of… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
As a libertarian I believe we should have a federal government simple and circumscribed enough to be run by an average, dull,… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The Tenth Commandment sends a message to socialists, to egalitarians, to people obsessed with fairness, to American presidential candidates in the year… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I'm on Medicare now. If I go and have a big operation, it costs me nothing. It should cost me a little.… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The weirder you're going to behave, the more normal you should look. It works in reverse, too. When I see a kid… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Creative writing teachers should be purged until every last instructor who has uttered the words 'Write what you know' is confined to… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Gambling is so pervasive in Nevada that maybe the state should just go the whole hog. There'd be gum machines that dispensed… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
In comparative terms, there's no poverty in America by a long shot. Heritage Foundation political scientist Robert Rector has worked up figures showing that… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The Democrats said, "We don't know what's wrong with America, but we can fix it." The Republicans said, "There's nothing wrong with America, and… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
At Epcot Center the Disney corporation has focused its attention on two things greatly in need of Disneyfication: the tedious future and the annoying… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
So-called Western Civilization, as practised in half of Europe, some of Asia and a few parts of North America, is better than anything else… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
My whole family can talk. They are all car salesmen. They are all funny. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
It was Ronald Reagan who used to say that the 10 most frightening words in the English language are, "I'm from the federal government,… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Gun violence has cost us too many political leaders, and hardly ever the worst ones. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Pete Seeger is a modest, unassuming, cheerful, and kind-natured man. He's a good folk singer, if you can stand folk singing. And he's such… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Journalists are notoriously easy to kid. All you have to do is speak to a journalist in a very serious tone of voice, and… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a 'learning experience.' Then again, I like to think of anything stupid I've… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I'll be 56 this year, I've got two kids, and I think it's probably time to go back to writing one-glove jokes. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
