The bar is set pretty low if you want to be a hip, accessible conservative. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
If Disney still wants to make Epcot Center futuristic, they could do so by blowing the place up with an atom bomb. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
If we're free to do what we want, why does government always have a plan for us? — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Some women want the strong silent type, so they can tell him to shut up and rearrange the furniture. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Coffee and cigarettes are much better if you want an instant breakfast. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
A politician who commends himself as 'caring' and 'sensitive' because he wants to expand the government's charitable programs is merely saying that… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The American political system is like fast food - mushy, insipid, made out of disgusting parts of things and everybody wants some. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The people I see on bicycles look like organic-gardening zealots who advocate federal regulation of bedtime and want American foreign policy to… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
We're told cars cause pollution. A hundred years ago city streets were ankle deep in horse excrement. What kind of pollution do… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
President Bush said that if illegal immigrants want citizenship, they'd have to do three things: pay taxes, hold meaningful jobs, and learn… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
When you're a war correspondent, the reader is for you because the reader is saying, 'Gee, I wouldn't want to be doing… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
If you want to join the Republican party, they have to let you in. There's nothing they can do about it. I… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I suspect the soviets never did want to use those bombs. The most Stalinist of Soviet hard-liners - Stalin, for example -… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Health care is too expensive, so the Clinton administration is putting a high-powered coporate lawyer - Hillary - in charge of making… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Upbeat is for people who want to feel good about their cause: the reformers, the progressives, the revolutionaries, the utopians, the collectivists,… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Bureaucrats want bigger bureaus. Special interests are interested in whatever's special to them. These two groups bring great pressure to bear upon… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Money is preferable to politics. It is the difference between being free to be anybody you want and to vote for anybody… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Most of us had never seen a sober redneck before, and we have the Reagan Landslide to testify that none of us… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
It is important to remember when making jokes about women, that they are not a minority. They weren't captured on another continent… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
In the end we beat them with Levi's 501 jeans. Seventy-two years of communist indoctrination and propaganda was drowned out by a… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
To really enjoy drugs you've got to want to get out of where you are. But there are some wheres that are… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
…the poor of the world cannot be made rich by redistribution of wealth. Poverty can't be eliminated by punishing people who've escaped… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Wealth is, for most people, the only honest and likely path to liberty. With money comes power over the world. Men are… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I'd known the people at Rolling Stone for a while. I'd gone to them with a piece I'd done on Beirut for… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
[Kurt] Vonnegut once said, if you ever want to know who somebody is... Like you look at Richard Nixon, or Adolf Hitler,… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Think of what big governments have gotten up to in this century : not one, but two world wars, the gulag, the… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
If we want the whole world to be rich, we need to start loving wealth. In the difference between poverty and plenty,… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
In 1970 or '71, early in the magazine, Michael O'Donoghue did maybe eight pages of a 1958 yearbook, from Ezra Taft Benson… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
And worrying is less work than doing something to fix the worry. This is especially true if we're careful to pick the… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
If the Japanese want to be taken seriously as world financial powers, they'd better quit using the same tailor as variety show… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Liberals want to live downtown. All over America - in New York, San Francisco, Chicago, Georgetown - there are crowds of liberals… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The prevalence of mobile homes does not correspond with the prevalence of poverty, or with much of anything else. All that can… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
We're told cars are wasteful. Wasteful of what? Oil did a lot of good sitting in the ground for millions of years.… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
A pleasant natural environment is a good - a luxury good, philosophical good, a moral goody-good, a good time for all. Whatever,… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
If libertarianism were easy to explain, and it weren't easy to exaggerate the effects of libertarianism, I think it would have been… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
In comparative terms, there's no poverty in America by a long shot. Heritage Foundation political scientist Robert Rector has worked up figures showing that… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The Democrats said, "We don't know what's wrong with America, but we can fix it." The Republicans said, "There's nothing wrong with America, and… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
At Epcot Center the Disney corporation has focused its attention on two things greatly in need of Disneyfication: the tedious future and the annoying… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
So-called Western Civilization, as practised in half of Europe, some of Asia and a few parts of North America, is better than anything else… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
My whole family can talk. They are all car salesmen. They are all funny. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
It was Ronald Reagan who used to say that the 10 most frightening words in the English language are, "I'm from the federal government,… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Gun violence has cost us too many political leaders, and hardly ever the worst ones. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Pete Seeger is a modest, unassuming, cheerful, and kind-natured man. He's a good folk singer, if you can stand folk singing. And he's such… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Journalists are notoriously easy to kid. All you have to do is speak to a journalist in a very serious tone of voice, and… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a 'learning experience.' Then again, I like to think of anything stupid I've… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I'll be 56 this year, I've got two kids, and I think it's probably time to go back to writing one-glove jokes. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
![“[Kurt] Vonnegut once said, if you ever want to know who somebody is... Like you look at Richard Nixon, or Adolf Hitler, or Ralph Nader, or anybody who seems like a difficult person to understand, and is therefore not part of the pattern of human behavior. Think about who they were in high school…” quote by P. J. O'Rourke](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/900/p-j-o-rourke-184_behavior_kurt-vonnegut-once-said-if-you-ever-want_97504.jpg)
![“In 1970 or '71, early in the magazine, Michael O'Donoghue did maybe eight pages of a 1958 yearbook, from Ezra Taft Benson High School. But by the time the [book-length] high-school yearbook came around, he didn't want to be involved.” quote by P. J. O'Rourke](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/c07/p-j-o-rourke-184_book_in-1970-or-71-early-in-the-magazine-mich_2560004.jpg)
