Years Quotes by P. J. O'Rourke

Thanksgiving is so called because we are all so thankful that it only comes once a year.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Christmas begins about the first of December with an office party and ends when you finally realize what you spent, around April…

— P. J. O'Rourke

Are you a Democrat because you're a union member? Then why, after eight years of Bill Clinton, does some Chinese guy in…

— P. J. O'Rourke

The Italians have had 2,000 years to fix up the Forum and just look at the place!

— P. J. O'Rourke

Whereas Rolling Stone, I just never had anything to do with them. I'd stop by the office maybe twice a year.

— P. J. O'Rourke

If I give up drinking, smoking, and fatty foods, I can add ten years to my life. Trouble is, I'll add it…

— P. J. O'Rourke

I've been a New Yorker for ten years, and the only people who are nice to us turn out to be Moonies.

— P. J. O'Rourke

I'll be 56 this year, I've got two kids, and I think it's probably time to go back to writing one-glove jokes.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Network television has been attempting to lure viewers for years with its low-interest programming only to have those viewers discover later that…

— P. J. O'Rourke

Anyhow, all mankind's ideas and interests, all human aims and motives, are exhibited, fully formed, in a three-year-old child. The kid is…

— P. J. O'Rourke

There's no telling what might have happened to our defense budget if Saddam Hussein hadn't invaded Kuwait that August and set everyone…

— P. J. O'Rourke

In the end we beat them with Levi's 501 jeans. Seventy-two years of communist indoctrination and propaganda was drowned out by a…

— P. J. O'Rourke

I was told to hand over my disposable lighter, to prevent, I suppose, any threat of "Do what I say or I'll…

— P. J. O'Rourke

For toddlers I suggest leaving their mittens on year-round, indoors and out. That way they can't get into aspirin bottles, liquor cabinets,…

— P. J. O'Rourke

Well the planet I've got a chance to visit is Earth, and Earth's principal features are chaos and war. I think I'd…

— P. J. O'Rourke

The Tenth Commandment sends a message to socialists, to egalitarians, to people obsessed with fairness, to American presidential candidates in the year…

— P. J. O'Rourke

Political systems must love poverty-they produce so much of it. Poor people make easier targets for a demagogue. No Mao or even…

— P. J. O'Rourke

As a longtime former resident of 15 years in Washington, I wish that everybody would stay off the Mall with their political…

— P. J. O'Rourke

We're told cars are wasteful. Wasteful of what? Oil did a lot of good sitting in the ground for millions of years.…

— P. J. O'Rourke

Seriously. It was running out at Rolling Stone. First of all, they didn't feel the need for a dissident conservative voice in…

— P. J. O'Rourke

I buy a tractor two years ago, and four-fifths of the tractor manual is about not tipping over, not raising the bucket…

— P. J. O'Rourke

Once we realized that there were these 25 invariable types - the class politician, the frigid popular girl, the kid who tags…

— P. J. O'Rourke

Mankind has invested more than four million years of evolution in the attempt to avoid physical exertion. Now a group of backward-thinking…

— P. J. O'Rourke

In thirteen years, every aspect of the universe can change - ask a thirteen-year-old.

— P. J. O'Rourke

I'm 61 years old. I'm not that fearful of the future, period. I'm not going to see that much of it.

— P. J. O'Rourke

I spent almost 25 years as a foreign correspondent, and the world's primary problem is poverty.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Good manners can replace morals. It may be years before anyone knows if what you are doing is right. But if what…

— P. J. O'Rourke

I have a 10 year old at home, and she is always saying, 'That's not fair.' When she says that, I say,…

— P. J. O'Rourke

Nothing about economic growth in the United States over the course of the past 40, 50 years, during which time this has…

— P. J. O'Rourke

Israel is slightly smaller than New Jersey. Moses in effect led the tribes of Israel out of the District of Columbia, parted…

— P. J. O'Rourke

Iran and Iraq have been at war for five years now. The traditional present for a fifth anniversary is wood. Here's a…

— P. J. O'Rourke

I don't see evidence of America being a poorer country than it was 20 years ago. I've seen impoverished devastation. I've seen…

— P. J. O'Rourke

We're told cars cause pollution. A hundred years ago city streets were ankle deep in horse excrement. What kind of pollution do…

— P. J. O'Rourke

Social Security is a government program with a constituency made up of the old, the near old and those who hope or…

— P. J. O'Rourke

Last year, on a long car trip, I was listening to Rush Limbaugh shout. I usually agree with Rush Limbaugh; therefore I…

— P. J. O'Rourke