As a longtime former resident of 15 years in Washington, I wish that everybody would stay off the Mall with their political… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
If you ask the government to solve all of your problems, it's a bit like asking your wife to cook and clean,… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Everybody with a gun has a checkpoint in Lebanon. And in Lebanon, you'd be crazy not to have a gun. Though, I… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Jimmy Carter was - he still - he remains to this day America's most ex of ex-presidents. You just can't believe that… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
One of the few benefits of being a journalist is that you're not in the Army. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Are you a Democrat because you're a union member? Then why, after eight years of Bill Clinton, does some Chinese guy in… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
If you talk to most businessmen, they'll say that what they do is for the public good, but you know they're just… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Cars let us out of the barn and, while they were at it, destroyed the American nuclear family. As anyone who has… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The bar is set pretty low if you want to be a hip, accessible conservative. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The car provided Americans with an enviable standard of living. You could not get a steady job with high wages and health… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Detroit is beautiful - though you probably have to be a child of the industrial Midwest, like me, to see it. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Wealth is not a pizza, where if I have too many slices you have to eat the Domino's box. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Call a man 'ignorant,' and you have license to show the world your vast fund of knowledge and wise him up. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
They are just really stupid people in Hollywood. You write them a script, and they say they love it, they absolutely love… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
You're never going to read 'The Wealth of Nations,' and you shouldn't, really. It's 900 pages. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
We have the British motor industry as a role model for what happens when you try to save an industrial dinosaur. Britain… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
If you think health care is expensive now, just wait 'til it's free. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The prevalence of mobile homes does not correspond with the prevalence of poverty, or with much of anything else. All that can… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Politicians will talk strategy and tactics and policies and programs until they're blue in the face, or you strangle them and they… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The most brilliant satire of all time was 'A Modest Proposal' by Jonathan Swift. You'll notice how everything got straightened out in… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
A penny will not buy a penny postcard or a penny whistle or a single piece of penny candy. It will not… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Accuse a person of breaking all Ten Commandments, and you've written the promo blurb for the dust cover of his tell-all memoir. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Being a humorist is not a voluntary thing. You can tell this because in a situation where saying a funny thing will… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
In comparative terms, there's no poverty in America by a long shot. Heritage Foundation political scientist Robert Rector has worked up figures showing that… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The Democrats said, "We don't know what's wrong with America, but we can fix it." The Republicans said, "There's nothing wrong with America, and… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
At Epcot Center the Disney corporation has focused its attention on two things greatly in need of Disneyfication: the tedious future and the annoying… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
So-called Western Civilization, as practised in half of Europe, some of Asia and a few parts of North America, is better than anything else… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
My whole family can talk. They are all car salesmen. They are all funny. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
It was Ronald Reagan who used to say that the 10 most frightening words in the English language are, "I'm from the federal government,… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Gun violence has cost us too many political leaders, and hardly ever the worst ones. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Pete Seeger is a modest, unassuming, cheerful, and kind-natured man. He's a good folk singer, if you can stand folk singing. And he's such… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Journalists are notoriously easy to kid. All you have to do is speak to a journalist in a very serious tone of voice, and… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a 'learning experience.' Then again, I like to think of anything stupid I've… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I'll be 56 this year, I've got two kids, and I think it's probably time to go back to writing one-glove jokes. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
