Everyone thinks Angelina Jolie was the first celebrity baby hoarder, but she wasn't. Before Angelina there was Mia Farrow. Mia had an… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I think I've lost 3lbs - I'm very, very happy. I thought of it as work and a spa. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Every comedian is furious. Age makes me angry. I'm unhappy at not being able to open packages anymore. I'm angry that libraries… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny. And when you're very, very happy, you're not very funny. You're just happy.… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I love gay and lesbian parents. But I think we need a law that says lesbians and gay men have to raise… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I don't think I'm good in bed. My husband never said anything, but after we made love he'd take a piece of… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I like my politicians and my judges and my lawyers to be simple. I think if you worry about where your hemline… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I think I'm in a business where you have to look good, and it's totally youth-oriented. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I think we obviously need health care. Of course we need health care, but I think that it's gone too far the… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I don't think there'd be a Tina Fey now if I hadn't tried to look good in the beginning. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
When you're first-generation money, you want to say, "I got a Mercedes and a Rolls and a Lamborghini. Take a look." When… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
The first rule of survival is: Make your own rules. The hell anyone thinks about the way you're acting; listen only to… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Life is very tough, you know. You sit at a dinner party and talk to the person on your right or your… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Obama came in and said he was going turn everything around, and you can't. Give the guy a break. But I question… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
if you don't think that all life is improvisation, then you haven't been paying attention. Life is what happens to you while… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I think Hillary Clinton's style is perfect. Perfect. You don't notice what she's wearing, you notice the woman. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Marriage isn't a contest to see who is most often right. Marriage requires being what the Japanese call 'the wise bamboo,' which… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I think it was Cosby who also said to me, 'If only 2 percent of the world thinks you're funny, you'll still… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I think any celebrity that adopts a child from a third world country is a fool. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I think actual death will be a lot easier than dying on stage. Cause - you know - if you do [actual… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Florida wants to change the state's motto to attract younger people. They're thinking about: More than just a great place to die. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I didn't want to do 'Fashion Police' because I thought, 'This is stupid, this is beneath me, who wants to talk about fashion?' It… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
All my way through college, I worked my way as a window dresser for Lord & Taylor, so I always liked fashion. I always… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Everyone thinks Angelina Jolie was the first celebrity baby hoarder, but she wasn't. Before Angelina there was Mia Farrow. Mia had an entire farm… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I have no sex appeal, which kills me. The only way I can ever hear heavy breathing from my husband's side of the bed… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
If you hate something, you hate it, and if you like something or somebody, you like it, but tell the truth. And most celebrities… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I know now that everybody in the arts is forever a beginner. Experience counts for a great deal and very little. Every night onstage… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
My breasts are so low now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I love Vines. You make this 6.4-second drama, and you can reach 6 million viewer, and make people laugh. I find it so fabulous. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
