Sex Quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

Group sex, are you kidding, I had group sex - my wife screwed in front of the jury.

— Rodney Dangerfield

If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.

— Rodney Dangerfield

I asked my wife if she enjoys a cigarette after sex and she said "No, one drag is enough".

— Rodney Dangerfield

Do ya remember the first time you had sex? I do, and boy, was I scared! I was alone!

— Rodney Dangerfield

I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.

— Rodney Dangerfield

I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.

— Rodney Dangerfield

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.

— Rodney Dangerfield

To me, Viagra is the same as Disneyland. You wait an hour for a two-minute ride.

— Rodney Dangerfield

I have tried a little kinky stuff. A woman called me and said, 'I have mirrors all over my bedroom. Bring a…

— Rodney Dangerfield

With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we'll never see each…

— Rodney Dangerfield

During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.

— Rodney Dangerfield

My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.

— Rodney Dangerfield

My sex life is terrible; my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our…

— Rodney Dangerfield

I'm at an age where I think more about food than I do about sex. Last week I put a mirror over…

— Rodney Dangerfield

All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it…

— Rodney Dangerfield

With sex my wife thinks twice before she turns me down. Yeah, once in the morning and once at night.

— Rodney Dangerfield

I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I…

— Rodney Dangerfield

I tell ya, sex is getting harder all the time. Me and my wife were trying to have sex for hours last…

— Rodney Dangerfield

When it comes to sex, at my age I like threesomes. In case one of us dies.

— Rodney Dangerfield

My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.

— Rodney Dangerfield

At certain times I like sex - like after a cigarette.

— Rodney Dangerfield

When my old man wanted sex, my mother would show him a picture of me.

— Rodney Dangerfield

I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough.

— Rodney Dangerfield

My wife and I have Olympic sex. Once every four years.

— Rodney Dangerfield

My wife and I keep fighting about sex and money. I think she charges me too much.

— Rodney Dangerfield

I figured out I'm bisexual. I have sex twice a year.

— Rodney Dangerfield

Steak and sex, my favorite pair. I get them both very rare.

— Rodney Dangerfield

I tell ya, with my wife, I got no sex life. Her favorite position is facing Bloomingdale's.

— Rodney Dangerfield

My sex life is like shooting pool with a rope!

— Rodney Dangerfield

If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.

— Rodney Dangerfield

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror…

— Rodney Dangerfield