When I was a kid I got no respect. My mother breast fed me through a straw. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
In high school, when I played football I got no respect. I shared a locker with a mop. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I get no respect... I tell you, when I was born, the doctor smacked my mother — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
When I was a kid I got no respect. I played hide-and-seek. They wouldn't even look for me. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
With girls I get no respect. A belly dancer told me I turned her stomach. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I'm tellin' ya I get no respect. When I was in Switzerland, I got an obscene yodel. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
With my doctor, I don't get no respect. I told him I want a vasectomy. He said with a face like mine,… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
With my old man I got no respect. He told me never take candy from a stranger unless he offered me a… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
It was the same thing in the army, no respect. They gave me a uniform that glowed in the dark. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
With my old man I got no respect. When he took me hunting he gave me a three minute head start. Then… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I tell ya, I don't get no respect ... Last week, my wife told me that she was going to cut me… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I'll tell ya, I don't get no respect... The other day, I got back from a business trip. I got in a… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I started over again with an image: Nothing goes right. Then when The Godfather came out, all I heard was, Show respect.… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
When I was a kid I got no respect. I had no friends. I remember the see-saw. I had to keep runnin'… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, I'm gonna run away from home. She said, On… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a t-shirt with a bulls eye on the back. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I knew a girl so ugly, she had a face like a saint-a Saint Bernard! — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
Every time I get in an elevator, the operator says the same thing to me: 'Basement?' — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I don't care how rich and successful a man is. He's nothing without an education. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
